As I was straightening up this past weekend, I ran across a Journal that I started back in February of 2004 -- when Mr. Small and I were first facing separation. I took a weekend away down in North Carolina and did some writing while I was there. I actually wrote the following short story. I titled it: Sand.
A beautiful sea creature lives and frolics in the ocean deep -- safe within her beautiful shell. Tossed about by the waves, one day she washes up on a beach. Just as she nestles into the warm, soft sand, sea gulls begin to swoop and dive -- pecking at her beautiful shell, until at last it opens and its tender contents are devoured.
The tides rise and fall and, over time, the beautiful shell is worn smooth by the churning ocean waves. Years pass, and the shell continues the cycle: resting on the beach at low tide -- only to be swept once more into the chaotic sea as the tide comes in. This cycle seems to go unnoticed by the world and the shell bears her journey alone.
With each passing year, she becomes smaller and her memory of the beautiful sea creature she once was is but a faded memory. Bleached by the sun and tumbled by the sea, the shell bears no resemblance to her former glory. Even so, she basks in the sun on a bright winter morning.
All of a sudden, a careless traveller treads on her -- shattering her tiny, shimmering frame into a million pieces. The tide tumbles the pieces away and the once beautiful sea creature is reduced to nothing more than just grains of sand.
(c) Oh to be a 40's Torch Singer. All rights reserved.
Monday, May 21, 2007
Saturday, March 31, 2007
It's Really No Secret!
(Note: This post was started back in March... I'm leaving what I originally wrote intact and adding to the end) I've been listening to The Secret on CD for the past several weeks -- mostly due to some derogatory remarks made about it at church. I always like to form my own opinions, rather than have someone else form them for me. As I listened, I was struck by the fact that the lessons it contains are also contained in The Bible... although they are lessons that are always presented with caveats, warnings and disclaimers in most protestant churches I have ever attended.
Let's take, for example, the idea that thoughts become things -- or thinking fat thoughts makes us fat, thinking bad thoughts brings bad things, etc. This was clearly stated in Proverbs 23:7, "As a man thinketh, so is he."
Next, let's look at the idea that we can have, do or be anything we want. That one is all over the New Testament -- I especially like the Red Letter text in Matthew 21 that tells us we can remove mountains and cast them in to the sea if we but have FAITH and that "all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive." (Yes, I'm a KJV kind of gal - I love the poetry and grandeur of the language.)
(New Portion)
The part about The Secret that makes it truly challenging for me is the 'faith without doubt' part. I'm learning more and more that I have a doubting Thomas streak in me about a mile wide. I WANT to believe and yet find my mind bombarded with contingencies and counter-contingencies in case things don't work out the way I had hoped. This past week was a prime example. I had an opportunity to write a huge investment case -- five figure commission huge -- which, in my market is rare. I started the afternoon BELIEVING that it was already done... then, I started saying things like, "please pray that this goes through" and "cross your fingers" and "it's not a done deal yet, but I HOPE it will go through." Needless to say, I did NOT get the account. Neither was I able to go buy that car I test drove, nor the home that's on my Vision Board. I'm meditating and working on changing my thinking, but I have to tell you that it's not as easy as it sounds... and by typing that, I've just ensured that it will remain hard! LOL
The Secret is NOT for skeptics. It's not for doubters, nor is it for realists. The Secret is for those who can still muster child-like belief... for as it is written "Whosoever shall not receive the kingdom of God as a little child, he shall not enter therein." Mark 10:15 KJV
Let's take, for example, the idea that thoughts become things -- or thinking fat thoughts makes us fat, thinking bad thoughts brings bad things, etc. This was clearly stated in Proverbs 23:7, "As a man thinketh, so is he."
Next, let's look at the idea that we can have, do or be anything we want. That one is all over the New Testament -- I especially like the Red Letter text in Matthew 21 that tells us we can remove mountains and cast them in to the sea if we but have FAITH and that "all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive." (Yes, I'm a KJV kind of gal - I love the poetry and grandeur of the language.)
(New Portion)
The part about The Secret that makes it truly challenging for me is the 'faith without doubt' part. I'm learning more and more that I have a doubting Thomas streak in me about a mile wide. I WANT to believe and yet find my mind bombarded with contingencies and counter-contingencies in case things don't work out the way I had hoped. This past week was a prime example. I had an opportunity to write a huge investment case -- five figure commission huge -- which, in my market is rare. I started the afternoon BELIEVING that it was already done... then, I started saying things like, "please pray that this goes through" and "cross your fingers" and "it's not a done deal yet, but I HOPE it will go through." Needless to say, I did NOT get the account. Neither was I able to go buy that car I test drove, nor the home that's on my Vision Board. I'm meditating and working on changing my thinking, but I have to tell you that it's not as easy as it sounds... and by typing that, I've just ensured that it will remain hard! LOL
The Secret is NOT for skeptics. It's not for doubters, nor is it for realists. The Secret is for those who can still muster child-like belief... for as it is written "Whosoever shall not receive the kingdom of God as a little child, he shall not enter therein." Mark 10:15 KJV
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Random Thoughts on a Snowy Thursday
I didn't think I'd get to post anything about snow this year, it's been so unseasonably warm here -- but we're starting to get the first flurries of the season and the temperature is forecast to plummet tonight with windchills in the single digits. It sure is pretty coming down, but damned if folks around here aren't down right ignorant trying to drive in it! It's not sticking to anything and the temps are still above freezing, but you'd think we were in the throes of a full-blown blizzard. Traffic's a mess already. Oy!
On the man-front, things took a bizarre twist late last week. The Chef called me, sounding rather odd and uncomfortable on the phone. He said that we needed to talk before I came up there for the weekend (scheduled for this weekend). I said, 'okay' and then it started... when he told me he wasn't still married, that wasn't entirely true... they are still married, but it's complicated -- too complicated to explain over the phone. I told him to give it his best shot. He went on to say that they married for immigration reasons (I don't want to go into too many details for obvious reasons) and that they had an 'open' marriage. Of course, I told him that I had absolutely no interest in participating in such an arrangement and promptly cancelled my reservation for my weekend get-away. I guess that stack of reading material will just have to keep waiting, because there will be no quiet morning at the B&B for me any time soon.
I did break down and join Match. So far, it's been a real source of entertainment, if not the best source for finding appropriate men my age!
I'm finding out that there are some seriously disturbed individuals on that site! This one guy sent me an e-mail and, based on his profile, I had zero interest in him -- but the biggest drawback for me was that he had a young child. That's one of my no-no's. I really don't want to be a step-mom again. I've BTDT and I have zero interest in doing it again... not because my stepson was anything less than a blessing - but his mother, on the other hand, was not!
So, to make a long story less long, I e-mailed him back and said that I didn't think I was the gal for him and that my long-term plans did not include becoming a step-mother. Well, boy, howdy did he write the most scathing e-mail you've ever read... beginning with, "well, thank you for making life decisions for me" and berating me for thinking I have some kind of crystal ball to peer into the future. I very calmly reminded him that we're all on the site looking for someone with whom we can envision ourselves living long-term or forever... and that I was NOT making life decisions for HIM, but rather for myself.
Then, there are the kooks who think they look great without their shirts and have 10-15 pictures of themselves sans upper-body attire. Really, they need a reality check -- especially the ones who claim that their chest is their best feature! The last time I checked, niether love handles nor man-boobs were workout goals at Bally's.
Oh, and then there's the "Mensan". He e-mailed me to point out how many times I used the word 'I' in my profile... Let's see, my profile is supposed to tell everyone who I am... I is the chief pronoun used to describe the self, but I digress. We exchanged a few e-mails and then he came back with some pompous crap asking me if I thought I was up for the 'challenge' of being with a Mensan. I told him that while I qualify for MENSA, I've never felt the need to join and that I was certain I could handle the challenge -- the question was whether or not I WANTED to! Let's see... how many 'I's did I use in THAT paragraph?
All-in-all, it has me wondering if it's even worth the effort. As I listened to the tape my psychic made for me one thing jumped out at me that I had missed while I was sitting with her. She said, "some people need to be married... you, on the other hand, don't. You're perfectly content just as you are." You know what? She's right! I am perfectly content... so why muck about with a good thing? I'm just sayin'!
On the man-front, things took a bizarre twist late last week. The Chef called me, sounding rather odd and uncomfortable on the phone. He said that we needed to talk before I came up there for the weekend (scheduled for this weekend). I said, 'okay' and then it started... when he told me he wasn't still married, that wasn't entirely true... they are still married, but it's complicated -- too complicated to explain over the phone. I told him to give it his best shot. He went on to say that they married for immigration reasons (I don't want to go into too many details for obvious reasons) and that they had an 'open' marriage. Of course, I told him that I had absolutely no interest in participating in such an arrangement and promptly cancelled my reservation for my weekend get-away. I guess that stack of reading material will just have to keep waiting, because there will be no quiet morning at the B&B for me any time soon.
I did break down and join Match. So far, it's been a real source of entertainment, if not the best source for finding appropriate men my age!
I'm finding out that there are some seriously disturbed individuals on that site! This one guy sent me an e-mail and, based on his profile, I had zero interest in him -- but the biggest drawback for me was that he had a young child. That's one of my no-no's. I really don't want to be a step-mom again. I've BTDT and I have zero interest in doing it again... not because my stepson was anything less than a blessing - but his mother, on the other hand, was not!
So, to make a long story less long, I e-mailed him back and said that I didn't think I was the gal for him and that my long-term plans did not include becoming a step-mother. Well, boy, howdy did he write the most scathing e-mail you've ever read... beginning with, "well, thank you for making life decisions for me" and berating me for thinking I have some kind of crystal ball to peer into the future. I very calmly reminded him that we're all on the site looking for someone with whom we can envision ourselves living long-term or forever... and that I was NOT making life decisions for HIM, but rather for myself.
Then, there are the kooks who think they look great without their shirts and have 10-15 pictures of themselves sans upper-body attire. Really, they need a reality check -- especially the ones who claim that their chest is their best feature! The last time I checked, niether love handles nor man-boobs were workout goals at Bally's.
Oh, and then there's the "Mensan". He e-mailed me to point out how many times I used the word 'I' in my profile... Let's see, my profile is supposed to tell everyone who I am... I is the chief pronoun used to describe the self, but I digress. We exchanged a few e-mails and then he came back with some pompous crap asking me if I thought I was up for the 'challenge' of being with a Mensan. I told him that while I qualify for MENSA, I've never felt the need to join and that I was certain I could handle the challenge -- the question was whether or not I WANTED to! Let's see... how many 'I's did I use in THAT paragraph?
All-in-all, it has me wondering if it's even worth the effort. As I listened to the tape my psychic made for me one thing jumped out at me that I had missed while I was sitting with her. She said, "some people need to be married... you, on the other hand, don't. You're perfectly content just as you are." You know what? She's right! I am perfectly content... so why muck about with a good thing? I'm just sayin'!
Thursday, January 18, 2007
I am an Owl
At least according to the Psychic I saw today.
A very dear friend of mine went to see her and raved about how accurate she was. I've been wrestling with the whole dating thing, so I decided to go and see what she had to say.
The first thing she said was that there are two children showing... I have no children. She said that it was possible that I might marry someone with two children or that I might have two pets that I consider my children. I guess I'm half-way there with the pets. LOL
Since my Ex seems to be making an effort to improve his outlook on life, I also wanted to know what the future holds as it relates to relationships. She said definitively, "you have not yet met the person you're going to marry." Further discussion took us to my Ex's date of birth and a reading surrounding his numbers. She nailed him -- more so that she did me -- she nailed him! While she felt that he does love me as much as he is able, that he is unwilling to compromise and, while she doesn't like to give negative readings, that she doesn't think we will stay together more than three months even if we DO get back together. She also addressed, without my asking, the nagging little voice in the back of my wee noggin that thinks he wants to get back together all of a sudden because I'm doing so well financially. She stated that one of the reasons he wants to get back together -- and immediately -- is that he wants me to share living expenses so that he can have more of the things he wants.
Anyway, she went on to talk about larks and owls. She said that larks and owls cannot peacefully cohabitate. When she defined a lark as someone who rises with the sun and an owl as someone who sleeps late and works late I saw us. Mr. Small is a lark... he is 100% morning person. I am an owl... I love to stay up late and sleep late. I'm at my best between 3 pm and 11 pm, as long as I've had my beauty rest.
So, not that I would ever make my life decisions based on the reading of a psychic... it was nice to hear confirmation that my intuition is intact and operating properly. That's another thing she told me -- trust my gut. If I follow that, I will be just fine.
Hoot-hoot!
A very dear friend of mine went to see her and raved about how accurate she was. I've been wrestling with the whole dating thing, so I decided to go and see what she had to say.
The first thing she said was that there are two children showing... I have no children. She said that it was possible that I might marry someone with two children or that I might have two pets that I consider my children. I guess I'm half-way there with the pets. LOL
Since my Ex seems to be making an effort to improve his outlook on life, I also wanted to know what the future holds as it relates to relationships. She said definitively, "you have not yet met the person you're going to marry." Further discussion took us to my Ex's date of birth and a reading surrounding his numbers. She nailed him -- more so that she did me -- she nailed him! While she felt that he does love me as much as he is able, that he is unwilling to compromise and, while she doesn't like to give negative readings, that she doesn't think we will stay together more than three months even if we DO get back together. She also addressed, without my asking, the nagging little voice in the back of my wee noggin that thinks he wants to get back together all of a sudden because I'm doing so well financially. She stated that one of the reasons he wants to get back together -- and immediately -- is that he wants me to share living expenses so that he can have more of the things he wants.
Anyway, she went on to talk about larks and owls. She said that larks and owls cannot peacefully cohabitate. When she defined a lark as someone who rises with the sun and an owl as someone who sleeps late and works late I saw us. Mr. Small is a lark... he is 100% morning person. I am an owl... I love to stay up late and sleep late. I'm at my best between 3 pm and 11 pm, as long as I've had my beauty rest.
So, not that I would ever make my life decisions based on the reading of a psychic... it was nice to hear confirmation that my intuition is intact and operating properly. That's another thing she told me -- trust my gut. If I follow that, I will be just fine.
Hoot-hoot!
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
The Power to Transform
One of the big influences on my life in the past year or so has been the work of Dr. Wayne Dyer. I first saw The Power of Intention on his PBS special and was intrigued by what he had to say. I ordered some of his CDs and began listening. Much of what he said resonated for me and, as a result, my life has been changed. One of the main themes of Dr. Dyer's work is that we are all part of the Universal energy... that we all come from the same source -- the God Source and because we are all made up of energy, we have the ability to attract energy into our lives. He posits that we attract into our lives those things on which we place our attention. If we place our attention on what we do not have then we attract more of 'not having' into our lives.
It all sounded good - but I decided I wanted to put the theory to the test. I started to implement his suggestions for living in harmony with Source Energy or God and my life began to change in some amazing ways. I established the practice of giving thanks every night before going to sleep every for the many blessings in my life and found that I became happier and more content with who I was. Then, abundance started to flow in my life and people began to reach out to me and pave the way for me to grow my business.
Not wanting to keep this all to myself, I decided to share the CDs with my Ex. I didn't really figure he'd listen to them because he's such a die-hard skeptic. However, he actually DID listen to them... and what's more amazing, he liked what he heard... and more amazing still, he has started making some of the same changes in his life that I made in mine.
Is it possible that six little CDs could change his life too? If so, then the Power of Intention is much greater than I ever imagined, because there couldn't have been a greater cynic and pessimist than my Ex. It will be interesting to watch.
It all sounded good - but I decided I wanted to put the theory to the test. I started to implement his suggestions for living in harmony with Source Energy or God and my life began to change in some amazing ways. I established the practice of giving thanks every night before going to sleep every for the many blessings in my life and found that I became happier and more content with who I was. Then, abundance started to flow in my life and people began to reach out to me and pave the way for me to grow my business.
Not wanting to keep this all to myself, I decided to share the CDs with my Ex. I didn't really figure he'd listen to them because he's such a die-hard skeptic. However, he actually DID listen to them... and what's more amazing, he liked what he heard... and more amazing still, he has started making some of the same changes in his life that I made in mine.
Is it possible that six little CDs could change his life too? If so, then the Power of Intention is much greater than I ever imagined, because there couldn't have been a greater cynic and pessimist than my Ex. It will be interesting to watch.
Saturday, January 13, 2007
To Match or Not to Match
It seems that online dating sites are all the rage in the over-40 dating scene these days. All of my single friends are winking away at Match.com and seem to be having a grand old time. Me? I'm skeptical. Mostly, I think I'm skeptical because I was on the cutting edge of Internet dating some eight years ago... you see, I met Mr. Small in an Internet chat room and we all see how THAT turned out. Of course, we've also seen how relying on friends and acquaintances to introduce you turned out too! LOL
I've been trying to come up with a witty screen name and intro. Tell me what you think:
Screen Name: 41SINK
Secure, independent, fun-loving professional seeking same for companionship and possible romance. No children - just an adorable terrier mix pup. I prefer to keep it that way. I like my life to be simple and am content living on my own.
My ideal match is someone who is sincere and spiritual and possesses a love for life and all living things. Ideally, he would also love live music (including symphony, jazz and big band), know how to dance (swing, rhumba, cha-cha, etc), 'get' indy films and be able to hold his own in an erudite discussion.
I'm not looking to play games... but I'm not looking to get married either. I'm just looking for true and sincere companionship. I am a deeply passionate person, but I do not believe that casual and sex belong in the same sentence.
If you feel that we could be a 'match', give me a shout out!
===============================
What say ye, oh faithful reader(s).?
I've been trying to come up with a witty screen name and intro. Tell me what you think:
Screen Name: 41SINK
Secure, independent, fun-loving professional seeking same for companionship and possible romance. No children - just an adorable terrier mix pup. I prefer to keep it that way. I like my life to be simple and am content living on my own.
My ideal match is someone who is sincere and spiritual and possesses a love for life and all living things. Ideally, he would also love live music (including symphony, jazz and big band), know how to dance (swing, rhumba, cha-cha, etc), 'get' indy films and be able to hold his own in an erudite discussion.
I'm not looking to play games... but I'm not looking to get married either. I'm just looking for true and sincere companionship. I am a deeply passionate person, but I do not believe that casual and sex belong in the same sentence.
If you feel that we could be a 'match', give me a shout out!
===============================
What say ye, oh faithful reader(s).?
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Thoughts for the New Year
On 2006
This past year has been a tremendous time of growth and self-awareness. I have gone from dependence to independence -- from misery to contentment. I have made new friends, established a new career and come to grips with old wounds and losses. All-in-all, I would say that it was a very good year. I am thankful for the lessons learned, the abundance that has flowed into my life and the love that has sustained me.
On The Drummer
The end of 2006 saw the end of an old love and the possibility of a new one. My first foray into the dating scene was enough to give even the most battle-hardened veteran cause for retreat. Here's how the story goes: good clients of mine, after hours of discussions one evening, decided that they had just the guy for me -- a long-time friend and musician. This friend wasn't looking for a relationship -- just someone to listen to music with and maybe grab a meal or two for companionship. Numbers were exchanged and later that week a call came in from "The Drummer". He had a very pleasant voice and we had lots in common, so we decided to meet that weekend to listen to a local blues trio. Plans were set and I was looking forward to the event -- we spoke on the phone several more times and the conversation was easy and flowed naturally.
The night of the date, I took extra care getting ready -- I even made sure to have the proper heel height so I didn't tower over him, as he reported being an inch taller than me. As I pulled up in front of the club, I saw two men standing out front. One I recognized as the lead guitarist for the trio -- the other was a short, balding gentleman with coke-bottle glasses, rolled up blue jeans, no socks and dockers. As I approached, he addressed me and introduced himself as "The Drummer." Closer inspection revealed a glass eye and a forest of nose hair. I was taller than him by at least four inches.
Determined to make the best of the evening, we went inside to listen to the trio -- who, thank goodness, were VERY good! We chatted between sets - again, the conversation was easy - but I felt he was starting to get that romantic look in his eye(s) - so I tried to keep it light and casual. As the evening progressed, he started touching me when he spoke and leaning in to talk to me -- with the good eye aimed directly down my blouse. The piece d'resistance, however, occurred upon my return from the ladies' room, when I found him flapping and hopping about like an injured water fowl. I can only assume that he was dancing. If my mother hadn't raised me better, I would have flung myself on the floor laughing hysterically.
As the evening came to a close, he walked me to my car. Fearing the worst, I quickly unlocked the door and positioned myself behind it like a knight behind his shield. Again, I attempted to keep things very casual -- after all, I was TOLD he wasn't looking for a relationship -- but the look in his eye said he WAS looking for something less noble. I told him I'd see him at the New Years Eve party... but the next night he called and left a message to see if I wanted to go out again that night or the next... or the next. Ugh! I didn't return the call... or the one the next evening. Unfortunately, I didn't see him at the New Year's party either -- since I had a date with the toilet bowl, courtesy of the stomach virus so lovingly passed along to me by my nieces.
So, this less than promising entree to the dating scene has me a bit gun shy... is this REALLY something on which I want to waste my energy?
On The Chef
For those of you who've been pining for news of The Chef, fear not! I have learned that he is no longer married to the Salsa instructor mentioned in the article I found. He has called a number of times and e-mailed a number of times and I am going to visit near the end of the month for a special dinner at the Inn. He's promised me a tour of wine country and a nice evening out. Then, in February, he's going to come visit me!
I don't know what depth of relationship can be established with monthly visits, living four hours apart, and working opposing schedules... but the mere anticipation of seeing him again is worth its weight in gold!
On Work
I finished the year just $832.50 shy of my goal. It might as well have been $8,000... because in my business, 'close' doesn't count! Still, I am pleased with my results. This is my first year with the company and I finished in the top 25 in my region. My goal for this year is to DOUBLE my results! (something I WON'T achieve if I don't get busy right now!!!)
Here's to a fantabulous 2007!
This past year has been a tremendous time of growth and self-awareness. I have gone from dependence to independence -- from misery to contentment. I have made new friends, established a new career and come to grips with old wounds and losses. All-in-all, I would say that it was a very good year. I am thankful for the lessons learned, the abundance that has flowed into my life and the love that has sustained me.
On The Drummer
The end of 2006 saw the end of an old love and the possibility of a new one. My first foray into the dating scene was enough to give even the most battle-hardened veteran cause for retreat. Here's how the story goes: good clients of mine, after hours of discussions one evening, decided that they had just the guy for me -- a long-time friend and musician. This friend wasn't looking for a relationship -- just someone to listen to music with and maybe grab a meal or two for companionship. Numbers were exchanged and later that week a call came in from "The Drummer". He had a very pleasant voice and we had lots in common, so we decided to meet that weekend to listen to a local blues trio. Plans were set and I was looking forward to the event -- we spoke on the phone several more times and the conversation was easy and flowed naturally.
The night of the date, I took extra care getting ready -- I even made sure to have the proper heel height so I didn't tower over him, as he reported being an inch taller than me. As I pulled up in front of the club, I saw two men standing out front. One I recognized as the lead guitarist for the trio -- the other was a short, balding gentleman with coke-bottle glasses, rolled up blue jeans, no socks and dockers. As I approached, he addressed me and introduced himself as "The Drummer." Closer inspection revealed a glass eye and a forest of nose hair. I was taller than him by at least four inches.
Determined to make the best of the evening, we went inside to listen to the trio -- who, thank goodness, were VERY good! We chatted between sets - again, the conversation was easy - but I felt he was starting to get that romantic look in his eye(s) - so I tried to keep it light and casual. As the evening progressed, he started touching me when he spoke and leaning in to talk to me -- with the good eye aimed directly down my blouse. The piece d'resistance, however, occurred upon my return from the ladies' room, when I found him flapping and hopping about like an injured water fowl. I can only assume that he was dancing. If my mother hadn't raised me better, I would have flung myself on the floor laughing hysterically.
As the evening came to a close, he walked me to my car. Fearing the worst, I quickly unlocked the door and positioned myself behind it like a knight behind his shield. Again, I attempted to keep things very casual -- after all, I was TOLD he wasn't looking for a relationship -- but the look in his eye said he WAS looking for something less noble. I told him I'd see him at the New Years Eve party... but the next night he called and left a message to see if I wanted to go out again that night or the next... or the next. Ugh! I didn't return the call... or the one the next evening. Unfortunately, I didn't see him at the New Year's party either -- since I had a date with the toilet bowl, courtesy of the stomach virus so lovingly passed along to me by my nieces.
So, this less than promising entree to the dating scene has me a bit gun shy... is this REALLY something on which I want to waste my energy?
On The Chef
For those of you who've been pining for news of The Chef, fear not! I have learned that he is no longer married to the Salsa instructor mentioned in the article I found. He has called a number of times and e-mailed a number of times and I am going to visit near the end of the month for a special dinner at the Inn. He's promised me a tour of wine country and a nice evening out. Then, in February, he's going to come visit me!
I don't know what depth of relationship can be established with monthly visits, living four hours apart, and working opposing schedules... but the mere anticipation of seeing him again is worth its weight in gold!
On Work
I finished the year just $832.50 shy of my goal. It might as well have been $8,000... because in my business, 'close' doesn't count! Still, I am pleased with my results. This is my first year with the company and I finished in the top 25 in my region. My goal for this year is to DOUBLE my results! (something I WON'T achieve if I don't get busy right now!!!)
Here's to a fantabulous 2007!
Monday, December 11, 2006
Encroachment - 15-yard Penalty!
My next door neighbor -- the one who blows all of her leaves into my yard -- has removed my property line marker and proceeded to put her tacky-ass Christmas lights on MY property. I don't want to be petty at this time of year -- really, I don't. But first and foremost - who gave her permission to remove the property line flag? And second, what makes her think that I would want that trailer park yard art on MY front lawn?
Some people!
Some people!
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Time to say goodbye
After over a year of separation, I decided that it was time to have the conversation with Mr. Small about ending our marriage. I found myself thinking that I couldn't truly move on and even consider another relationship until I had closure with him.
I thought it was going to be easy. I had my words carefully picked. The reality was far removed from the calm, quiet resignation I imagined.
Of course, his first question was, "is there someone else?" For the first time ever, the answer to that was not so clear-cut. There really isn't someone else - but there is, for the first time, the possibility of someone else.
For the first time, he admitted to me his loathing of life, his thoughts of suicide and the utter abandonment he feels. There was a time in my life where I would have thought it my responsibility -- my duty -- to fix those feelings, to nurture and coddle and assure. Instead, I told him that I, too, have felt those emotions and that the answer to those feelings will not be found in anything exterior to himself - that he has to search within.
We talked for several hours about why and how and when this all happened. He once again asserted that winning the lottery would fix it all. When we were done talking, there was such a sense of sadness. I couldn't help but feel that if only I could have loved him enough that things would have worked... but I know that is not true - because the one person who needs to love him in order for him to be happy will likely never do so. I pray, though, that one day he may find inner peace and the joy that comes from being at one with your Source.
I wept for hours last night... my eyes still showing the signs of the "ugly cry" this morning - swollen, puffy and red. I wept for what could have been, I wept for the sweetness of his unconditional love for me and for my inability to love that way in return. I wept for the depth of his despair and for the little boy who's crying out to be loved and held and not sent away -- and I wept for sending him away once again.
It's time to say goodbye, my love. May you one day find peace.
I thought it was going to be easy. I had my words carefully picked. The reality was far removed from the calm, quiet resignation I imagined.
Of course, his first question was, "is there someone else?" For the first time ever, the answer to that was not so clear-cut. There really isn't someone else - but there is, for the first time, the possibility of someone else.
For the first time, he admitted to me his loathing of life, his thoughts of suicide and the utter abandonment he feels. There was a time in my life where I would have thought it my responsibility -- my duty -- to fix those feelings, to nurture and coddle and assure. Instead, I told him that I, too, have felt those emotions and that the answer to those feelings will not be found in anything exterior to himself - that he has to search within.
We talked for several hours about why and how and when this all happened. He once again asserted that winning the lottery would fix it all. When we were done talking, there was such a sense of sadness. I couldn't help but feel that if only I could have loved him enough that things would have worked... but I know that is not true - because the one person who needs to love him in order for him to be happy will likely never do so. I pray, though, that one day he may find inner peace and the joy that comes from being at one with your Source.
I wept for hours last night... my eyes still showing the signs of the "ugly cry" this morning - swollen, puffy and red. I wept for what could have been, I wept for the sweetness of his unconditional love for me and for my inability to love that way in return. I wept for the depth of his despair and for the little boy who's crying out to be loved and held and not sent away -- and I wept for sending him away once again.
It's time to say goodbye, my love. May you one day find peace.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Poetry -- it's what I do when I don't know what to do...
Talking for hours by a roaring fire
Dancing the dance of lovers
Advancing, retreating, all the while wondering what the other is thinking.
A tender kiss in the morning light
Frost on the ground
Feeling, reeling, not knowing what the future might be bringing.
A long drive alone with time to think
Has it gone too far?
Pacing, mind racing, is it just an indiscretion you’re not facing?
Days go by without a word
Emotions ebb and flow
Anticipating, heart aching, expecting too much? Is he reciprocating?
Too much to do
No time to think it through
Forgetting, regretting, I don’t know – do you?
(c) Oh to be a 40's Torch Singer.
All rights reserved.
Dancing the dance of lovers
Advancing, retreating, all the while wondering what the other is thinking.
A tender kiss in the morning light
Frost on the ground
Feeling, reeling, not knowing what the future might be bringing.
A long drive alone with time to think
Has it gone too far?
Pacing, mind racing, is it just an indiscretion you’re not facing?
Days go by without a word
Emotions ebb and flow
Anticipating, heart aching, expecting too much? Is he reciprocating?
Too much to do
No time to think it through
Forgetting, regretting, I don’t know – do you?
(c) Oh to be a 40's Torch Singer.
All rights reserved.
Friday, December 08, 2006
This is your brain...
this is your brain on pheromones...
What is it about the mere thought of a person to whom you're attracted that causes all of your intellectual prowess to disappear? What is it about the memory of a kiss that short-circuits all logical function of the brain? How Pavlovian is it to become jittery and nervous each time the little letter shows up in the system tray of my computer?
I still haven't confirmed or negated the presence of a wife... but I have received a very sweet e-mail telling me what a wonderful time he had and promising to come visit in January or February. I fired back an innocent query about the person whose name I found in the article. Of course, in the hospitality industry, your weekends are not your own, so I don't really expect to hear back from him until Monday or Tuesday when the Inn is closed.
I really suck at waiting. It's not something I do well at all. I have way too active of an imagination and I create too many stories in my mind. It's sad, really... but it's just who I am.
How many hours til Monday?
What is it about the mere thought of a person to whom you're attracted that causes all of your intellectual prowess to disappear? What is it about the memory of a kiss that short-circuits all logical function of the brain? How Pavlovian is it to become jittery and nervous each time the little letter shows up in the system tray of my computer?
I still haven't confirmed or negated the presence of a wife... but I have received a very sweet e-mail telling me what a wonderful time he had and promising to come visit in January or February. I fired back an innocent query about the person whose name I found in the article. Of course, in the hospitality industry, your weekends are not your own, so I don't really expect to hear back from him until Monday or Tuesday when the Inn is closed.
I really suck at waiting. It's not something I do well at all. I have way too active of an imagination and I create too many stories in my mind. It's sad, really... but it's just who I am.
How many hours til Monday?
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Turd in a Punch Bowl
That's what I feel like tonight. I just can't help but feel that I've done something horrible and I just can't seem to let it go... I want him to call so I can know for sure... I want to e-mail him, but I don't know if anyone else has access to his account. This SUCKS! I can't sleep. I can't eat. I can't think about anything else. Surely there's some OCD in my psychological profile somewhere...
I keep saying to myself: "let it go, Lauren." I can't change what happened... but I can't forget how I felt BEFORE I found out about the wife.
Tick-tock, tick-tock... It's nearly 12:30 am... I need to TRY to get some sleep -- after all, I still have a whole butt-load of business to write before year-end. I soooooooo don't need any added stress right now.
Rat farts!
I keep saying to myself: "let it go, Lauren." I can't change what happened... but I can't forget how I felt BEFORE I found out about the wife.
Tick-tock, tick-tock... It's nearly 12:30 am... I need to TRY to get some sleep -- after all, I still have a whole butt-load of business to write before year-end. I soooooooo don't need any added stress right now.
Rat farts!
Tick, tock, tick, tock...
It's been more than 24 hours... no call... no returned e-mail (yes, I sent an e-mail... it just said that I had a wonderful time and that I hoped he'd keep in touch).
Of course, since yesterday's post, I've located an article about his Inn that seems to indicate there's a spouse... at least there was a spouse in December of '05 when the article was written. Funnily enough, I seem to recall meeting a woman by this name when I first checked in (she didn't take his last name, apparently). Now, I want to hear from him all the more so I can figure out what the hell happened! I soooooooooo do not want to be "that girl" -- you know, the home wrecker, the floozy who messes around with married men. I've been on the other side of that equation and I wouldn't wish that experience on my worst enemy. Why can't things just be simple?
I did, however, receive an invitation to return to the Inn on business to write policies on one of the employees... comped room and all... I wonder what his reaction would be if he walked in and saw me standing there? He just did not seem like the kind of guy who would DO that... but then I've been wrong before... horribly wrong.
Ugh!
Of course, since yesterday's post, I've located an article about his Inn that seems to indicate there's a spouse... at least there was a spouse in December of '05 when the article was written. Funnily enough, I seem to recall meeting a woman by this name when I first checked in (she didn't take his last name, apparently). Now, I want to hear from him all the more so I can figure out what the hell happened! I soooooooooo do not want to be "that girl" -- you know, the home wrecker, the floozy who messes around with married men. I've been on the other side of that equation and I wouldn't wish that experience on my worst enemy. Why can't things just be simple?
I did, however, receive an invitation to return to the Inn on business to write policies on one of the employees... comped room and all... I wonder what his reaction would be if he walked in and saw me standing there? He just did not seem like the kind of guy who would DO that... but then I've been wrong before... horribly wrong.
Ugh!
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Giddy
I know you're probably going to get whiplash going from my last post to this one -- but I just can't help it!
Last evening, I drove up to Skyline Drive for an exclusive dinner hosted by my region's vice president for the top producers on her "Round Table." We went to a very cozy B&B (I won't name it here on the off-chance that someone might run across the post -- I wouldn't want to incriminate anyone!) and had a scrumptious dinner and great conversation. Afterward, those of us who were staying overnight gathered at the bar for a nightcap, when in walked the chef. We all applauded him and he was a very pleasant fellow, so we started talking. Over the coming hours, nearly everyone else wandered off to bed and left the two of us sitting at the bar - still gabbing like we'd known each other for years.
Now, I have not spent one minute with any other man since the ex and I separated a year ago (can you believe it was a year Thanksgiving Day?) and I never really expected to find myself having those giddy feelings again - wasn't looking for it at all -- then as I was about to turn in, he leaned over and kissed me and my knees went weak. Suffice it to say that the evening wore even longer as we tried to weave our way through the "I hardly know you, but DAMN, I really like you" rush of emotions that come along with the first blush of a relationship. (Is this a relationship? could it be? do I want it to be?) So, today, in the wake of my concern for my father, I'm feeling like a silly, giggly school girl and find myself facing the age-old question that I never thought I'd ask again... "will he call?"
Stay tuned!
Last evening, I drove up to Skyline Drive for an exclusive dinner hosted by my region's vice president for the top producers on her "Round Table." We went to a very cozy B&B (I won't name it here on the off-chance that someone might run across the post -- I wouldn't want to incriminate anyone!) and had a scrumptious dinner and great conversation. Afterward, those of us who were staying overnight gathered at the bar for a nightcap, when in walked the chef. We all applauded him and he was a very pleasant fellow, so we started talking. Over the coming hours, nearly everyone else wandered off to bed and left the two of us sitting at the bar - still gabbing like we'd known each other for years.
Now, I have not spent one minute with any other man since the ex and I separated a year ago (can you believe it was a year Thanksgiving Day?) and I never really expected to find myself having those giddy feelings again - wasn't looking for it at all -- then as I was about to turn in, he leaned over and kissed me and my knees went weak. Suffice it to say that the evening wore even longer as we tried to weave our way through the "I hardly know you, but DAMN, I really like you" rush of emotions that come along with the first blush of a relationship. (Is this a relationship? could it be? do I want it to be?) So, today, in the wake of my concern for my father, I'm feeling like a silly, giggly school girl and find myself facing the age-old question that I never thought I'd ask again... "will he call?"
Stay tuned!
Sunday, December 03, 2006
Daddy's Broken
This week, my precious father nearly lost his life again. Save for the marvels of modern medicine, he would not be with us today. Once again, his heart rate skyrocketed to nearly 300 and he lost consciousness. It was his internal defibrillator that saved his life. At his doctor's appointment the following day, they told him that he should stop driving... they might as well have told him to stop breathing.
My dad's been a day-tripper for as long as I can remember. Whenever things got rought at work or at home, he'd jump in his truck and take off for the Eastern Shore, or one of the state parks in North Carolina -- or go for a ride on the beach in Corolla. It's his way of escaping and relieving stress. Not only has this outlet been taken from him, but now he'll have to give up his part-time job as well (which I think he does just to escape my mom's incessant chatter). You see, he drives hearses and flower trucks for a local funeral home and spends days collecting and delivering death certificates.
It is so difficult to watch the man to whom you've always looked up -- the one on whom you've depended to do the hard stuff -- like open things, move things, and fix things -- become feeble and dependent. My heart is just breaking for him -- he's fiercely independent and I fear that losing his independence will leave him devoid of joy and purpose, causing him to deteriorate long before his time. I'm not ready for that... not yet... not ever.
My Daddy's broken and I wish I could fix him.
My dad's been a day-tripper for as long as I can remember. Whenever things got rought at work or at home, he'd jump in his truck and take off for the Eastern Shore, or one of the state parks in North Carolina -- or go for a ride on the beach in Corolla. It's his way of escaping and relieving stress. Not only has this outlet been taken from him, but now he'll have to give up his part-time job as well (which I think he does just to escape my mom's incessant chatter). You see, he drives hearses and flower trucks for a local funeral home and spends days collecting and delivering death certificates.
It is so difficult to watch the man to whom you've always looked up -- the one on whom you've depended to do the hard stuff -- like open things, move things, and fix things -- become feeble and dependent. My heart is just breaking for him -- he's fiercely independent and I fear that losing his independence will leave him devoid of joy and purpose, causing him to deteriorate long before his time. I'm not ready for that... not yet... not ever.
My Daddy's broken and I wish I could fix him.
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Owner of a Broken Heart and other random musings...
Last evening I got a call from a dear friend. I could hardly understand her and at first I thought we had a bad cell connection -- but it turns out that she was sobbing uncontrollably. Her Prince Charming had just dumped her and she was inconsolable. So, out the door I go with a box of Kleenex and a bottle of wine. I hate to see my friends hurting and this friend in particular due to the absolutely horrendous childhood she had. Her mother is literally a crack whore and this dear, sweet girl rose above her beginnings, worked her way through college and has become an upstanding member of society.
I chose the name "Prince Charming" for a reason -- her love affair with this guy is really a Cinderella story. He came from old money -- one of the most prominent families in town -- she from the aforementioned crack whore. She spent two years of her life trying to prove to him that she was worthy of his love -- only to find out that it is an emotion of which he is completely incapable. I wanted to knock him upside the head last night as she sobbed in my arms. Despite all of her self-realization and therapy, still she couldn't help but think that if only she had tried harder, had a better pedigree, been prettier, smarter, or more patient that he wouldn't have left her. She is, unfortunately, the owner of a broken heart and I was completely helpless to do a damned thing about it.
In other news...
What the hell are people thinking? Yesterday I was sitting at a stoplight and on one corner was a Citgo whose gas cost $1.98 per gallon on the opposite corner was a BP whose gas cost $2.10 per gallon. There wasn't a soul at the Citgo and there was a LINE at the BP. I KNOW that it was not due to any type of boycott of the Venezuelan-held company -- the people around here aren't that politically aware -- so I just have to say, "what the fuck?" In my little economy, twelve cents per gallon, times 13 gallons equals $1.56 and THAT's one whole cup of 7-Eleven coffee!
In YNPFLN news, the lady with the yard full of plastic flowers has just traded out the purple flowers for a sea of bright orange ones. {{SHUDDER}}
And in the "What's the Matter with Kids Today" category... the little shits threw my carefully raked bags of pinestraw into the middle of the street, where someone collided head on with one of them, ripping it to smitherines. Don't they have anything better to do? Really?
And finally, in the "Life Ain't Fair" category... my favorite manager just told me that come January 1, she will no longer be my manager. That was bad enough... but I found out that she's being replaced by two... count them TWO pantywastes. There's not enough backbone between them to make a good cat. Grrrrrrrr
I chose the name "Prince Charming" for a reason -- her love affair with this guy is really a Cinderella story. He came from old money -- one of the most prominent families in town -- she from the aforementioned crack whore. She spent two years of her life trying to prove to him that she was worthy of his love -- only to find out that it is an emotion of which he is completely incapable. I wanted to knock him upside the head last night as she sobbed in my arms. Despite all of her self-realization and therapy, still she couldn't help but think that if only she had tried harder, had a better pedigree, been prettier, smarter, or more patient that he wouldn't have left her. She is, unfortunately, the owner of a broken heart and I was completely helpless to do a damned thing about it.
In other news...
What the hell are people thinking? Yesterday I was sitting at a stoplight and on one corner was a Citgo whose gas cost $1.98 per gallon on the opposite corner was a BP whose gas cost $2.10 per gallon. There wasn't a soul at the Citgo and there was a LINE at the BP. I KNOW that it was not due to any type of boycott of the Venezuelan-held company -- the people around here aren't that politically aware -- so I just have to say, "what the fuck?" In my little economy, twelve cents per gallon, times 13 gallons equals $1.56 and THAT's one whole cup of 7-Eleven coffee!
In YNPFLN news, the lady with the yard full of plastic flowers has just traded out the purple flowers for a sea of bright orange ones. {{SHUDDER}}
And in the "What's the Matter with Kids Today" category... the little shits threw my carefully raked bags of pinestraw into the middle of the street, where someone collided head on with one of them, ripping it to smitherines. Don't they have anything better to do? Really?
And finally, in the "Life Ain't Fair" category... my favorite manager just told me that come January 1, she will no longer be my manager. That was bad enough... but I found out that she's being replaced by two... count them TWO pantywastes. There's not enough backbone between them to make a good cat. Grrrrrrrr
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
A Silly Break from the Wall-to-Wall Election Coverage
1. Explain what ended your last relationship? Negativity
2. When was the last time you shaved? Sunday
3. What were you doing this morning at 8 a.m.? Pouring my second 16 oz cup of coffee.
4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago? Reading Sheri's blog (thanks for the tag... I knew I should have stopped reading before number 30!)
5. Are you any good at math? I hope so -- I'm a financial specialist!
6. Your prom night? I had one... it was about three weeks after breaking up with a long-time boyfriend. I took a friend with me.
7. Do you have any famous ancestors? Rumor has it that we're related to William Lloyd Garrison.
8. Have you had to take a loan out for school? Yes. Thankfully, it's long since paid off.
9. Do you know the words to the song on your myspace profile? I ain't got no such thing...
10. Last thing received in the mail? An offer for Dr. Wayne Dyer's latest CD set. I promptly ordered it!
11. How many different beverages have you had today? Just two -- the above-referenced 32 oz of coffee and some bottled water.
12. Do you ever leave messages on peoples answering machines? Every day. It's part of what I do... being in sales and all...
13. Who did you lose your CONCERT virginity to? Sheri, you ARE kidding right? You mean there's another definition for Concert Virginity than the group you saw at your first concert? YIKES! My first concert was Air Supply, followed shortly thereafter by the Doobie Brothers... I'm old too, Sheri!
14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach? Abso-freakin-lutely!
15. What was the most painful dental procedure you have had? Four wisdom teeth surgically extracted at the same time... two had roots wrapped around my jaw bone and I woke up in the middle of it all. I'm just saying...
16. What is out your back door? A yard and my neighbor's house.
17. Any plans for Friday night? R-E-L-A-X with a nice bottle-o-vino.
18. Do you like what the ocean does to your hair? Hmmm.. let me think about this... it gets salty, sandy and stands on end... uh, yeah... love it! (NOT)
19. Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different popcorns? Yes, my step-grandmother used to give me one every year for Christmas. Ho-ho-ho...
20. Have you ever been to a planetarium? Absolutely! I took an astronomy course as part of my junior high gifted and talented program. It was fabulous spending the summer in a darkened planetarium with that good-looking guy from Deep Creek with the dreamy eyes...
21. Do you re-use towels after you shower? Yep - I'm clean, so what's the big??
22. Some things you are excited about? My trip to Germany & Austria next summer, and the possibility of winning an all-expense paid trip to Cancun!
23. What is your favorite flavor of JELLO? I don't really care for the stuff, personally.
24. Describe your keychain(s)? A blue hand.
25. (there was no question 25 on the original, so I'm making one up) How glad are you that the elections are over? Happy, happy, joy, joy... I'm so sick of the friggin commercials I could scream!!!!!
26. Where do you keep your change? In a big flower vase.
27. What kind of winter coat do you own? All kinds. It's embarrassing really... I'm planning to donate at least three of them to the Salvation Army this winter.
28. What was the weather like on your graduation day? It was gorgeous! It was sunny and warm, with a nice breeze.
29. Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed? Closed. If not, the pupster wanders around the house and barks at anything that moves.
30. Did U read this far? I hope you did! Now you are tagged!
2. When was the last time you shaved? Sunday
3. What were you doing this morning at 8 a.m.? Pouring my second 16 oz cup of coffee.
4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago? Reading Sheri's blog (thanks for the tag... I knew I should have stopped reading before number 30!)
5. Are you any good at math? I hope so -- I'm a financial specialist!
6. Your prom night? I had one... it was about three weeks after breaking up with a long-time boyfriend. I took a friend with me.
7. Do you have any famous ancestors? Rumor has it that we're related to William Lloyd Garrison.
8. Have you had to take a loan out for school? Yes. Thankfully, it's long since paid off.
9. Do you know the words to the song on your myspace profile? I ain't got no such thing...
10. Last thing received in the mail? An offer for Dr. Wayne Dyer's latest CD set. I promptly ordered it!
11. How many different beverages have you had today? Just two -- the above-referenced 32 oz of coffee and some bottled water.
12. Do you ever leave messages on peoples answering machines? Every day. It's part of what I do... being in sales and all...
13. Who did you lose your CONCERT virginity to? Sheri, you ARE kidding right? You mean there's another definition for Concert Virginity than the group you saw at your first concert? YIKES! My first concert was Air Supply, followed shortly thereafter by the Doobie Brothers... I'm old too, Sheri!
14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach? Abso-freakin-lutely!
15. What was the most painful dental procedure you have had? Four wisdom teeth surgically extracted at the same time... two had roots wrapped around my jaw bone and I woke up in the middle of it all. I'm just saying...
16. What is out your back door? A yard and my neighbor's house.
17. Any plans for Friday night? R-E-L-A-X with a nice bottle-o-vino.
18. Do you like what the ocean does to your hair? Hmmm.. let me think about this... it gets salty, sandy and stands on end... uh, yeah... love it! (NOT)
19. Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different popcorns? Yes, my step-grandmother used to give me one every year for Christmas. Ho-ho-ho...
20. Have you ever been to a planetarium? Absolutely! I took an astronomy course as part of my junior high gifted and talented program. It was fabulous spending the summer in a darkened planetarium with that good-looking guy from Deep Creek with the dreamy eyes...
21. Do you re-use towels after you shower? Yep - I'm clean, so what's the big??
22. Some things you are excited about? My trip to Germany & Austria next summer, and the possibility of winning an all-expense paid trip to Cancun!
23. What is your favorite flavor of JELLO? I don't really care for the stuff, personally.
24. Describe your keychain(s)? A blue hand.
25. (there was no question 25 on the original, so I'm making one up) How glad are you that the elections are over? Happy, happy, joy, joy... I'm so sick of the friggin commercials I could scream!!!!!
26. Where do you keep your change? In a big flower vase.
27. What kind of winter coat do you own? All kinds. It's embarrassing really... I'm planning to donate at least three of them to the Salvation Army this winter.
28. What was the weather like on your graduation day? It was gorgeous! It was sunny and warm, with a nice breeze.
29. Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed? Closed. If not, the pupster wanders around the house and barks at anything that moves.
30. Did U read this far? I hope you did! Now you are tagged!
Monday, November 06, 2006
I Just Don't Like the Way He Parts His Hair
My grandmother used this expression when referring to people for whom she felt an inexplicable aversion -- much the way I feel about the Democrat candidate for Senate here in Virginia (Jim Webb). Granted, I'm very much an independent and rarely align myself with the Democrat party -- still, this man just sets me on edge.
Unfortunately, his Republican opponent is far from a viable alternative -- at least not for me (George Allen). This is a man with whom I've sparred regarding the proposed Constitutional Amendment banning gay marriage. It's not that I'm a rabid gay-rights activist, it's just that marriage has always been a state issue -- not a federal issue -- and certainly not a CONSTITUTIONAL issue! I'm not comfortable with all of this talk about Constitutional Amendments to ban this or that or the other... not in a country founded on freedom of religion and speech.
Anyway, I didn't intend this post to be a political advertisement -- but when I went searching for an alternative today that would allow me to actually cast a vote without vomiting during the act, I found the Green Party candidate, Gail Parker. If her jingle doesn't make you want to run right out and pull that lever, or dangle that chad or whisper a prayer that your new e-vote really counted, then I don't know what will... check it out! Vote Gail "for Rail" Parker!!!
I'm just sayin'...
Unfortunately, his Republican opponent is far from a viable alternative -- at least not for me (George Allen). This is a man with whom I've sparred regarding the proposed Constitutional Amendment banning gay marriage. It's not that I'm a rabid gay-rights activist, it's just that marriage has always been a state issue -- not a federal issue -- and certainly not a CONSTITUTIONAL issue! I'm not comfortable with all of this talk about Constitutional Amendments to ban this or that or the other... not in a country founded on freedom of religion and speech.
Anyway, I didn't intend this post to be a political advertisement -- but when I went searching for an alternative today that would allow me to actually cast a vote without vomiting during the act, I found the Green Party candidate, Gail Parker. If her jingle doesn't make you want to run right out and pull that lever, or dangle that chad or whisper a prayer that your new e-vote really counted, then I don't know what will... check it out! Vote Gail "for Rail" Parker!!!
I'm just sayin'...
Sunday, October 15, 2006
From Handel to Horror
Last night, I attended a professional choral performance entitled "Angels, Demons & Kings". The first act consisted of three pieces by G. F Handel, which were magnificent (save the one soprano solo by that blaring facial contortionist -- I swear the only other time I've seen a face contort like that was in The Mask with Jim Carey!).
I should have gathered from the title of the concert that not all of the music would be angelic. Still, I was totally unprepared for the second act of the performance. With titles such as The Morning Stars, Hail Mary, Christ, the Fair Glory and so on, I was expecting your typical liturgical fare. I couldn't have BEEN more wrong.
At first, we were treated to an orchestral prelude meant to evoke the Chaos of the time before creation. The tympani, organ and dissonant strings did a magnificent job and I thought we were in for a treat... then the reading began. There were two readers: a British gentleman and a local woman. He sounded dignified and stately, she like a bad Shakespearean actress run amok. On and on she droned in a sickeningly sweet sing-song voice only a deaf mother could love.
As the piece progressed, the speaking was only briefly interrupted by song - harsh and atonal -- names and phrases were hurled at the audience, who shifted uncomfortably in their seats. On and on the readers jangled until even the fair Brit's accent irritated... the songs growing increasingly strident. I found myself gritting my teeth and begging for the end - fearing that one more stanza would cause me to throw myself onto the nearest sharp object.
When at last we were relieved of the suffering I leapt to my feet to escape the scene of this atrocity. I pray only that my standing was not mistaken for an ovation, for I confess that Mr. Britten's Company of Heaven was reminiscent of a place much farther south.
I should have gathered from the title of the concert that not all of the music would be angelic. Still, I was totally unprepared for the second act of the performance. With titles such as The Morning Stars, Hail Mary, Christ, the Fair Glory and so on, I was expecting your typical liturgical fare. I couldn't have BEEN more wrong.
At first, we were treated to an orchestral prelude meant to evoke the Chaos of the time before creation. The tympani, organ and dissonant strings did a magnificent job and I thought we were in for a treat... then the reading began. There were two readers: a British gentleman and a local woman. He sounded dignified and stately, she like a bad Shakespearean actress run amok. On and on she droned in a sickeningly sweet sing-song voice only a deaf mother could love.
As the piece progressed, the speaking was only briefly interrupted by song - harsh and atonal -- names and phrases were hurled at the audience, who shifted uncomfortably in their seats. On and on the readers jangled until even the fair Brit's accent irritated... the songs growing increasingly strident. I found myself gritting my teeth and begging for the end - fearing that one more stanza would cause me to throw myself onto the nearest sharp object.
When at last we were relieved of the suffering I leapt to my feet to escape the scene of this atrocity. I pray only that my standing was not mistaken for an ovation, for I confess that Mr. Britten's Company of Heaven was reminiscent of a place much farther south.
Friday, October 06, 2006
NPFLN
At the end of my block is one of the most bizarre sights I've ever seen. The house itself is pretty ordinary -- a brick ranch circa 1970. It's the yard that causes people to do a double-take. You see, these folks have the oddest outcroppings of flowers in their yard that you've ever seen. Here it is October and there are tulips blooming along the driveway and Jonquils surrounding the bird bath. There are even crocus and forsythia surrounding the various and sundry pieces of yard art (ranging from the blessed Virgin to fake squirrels, bunnies and geese).
It's obvious from the turquoise trim on their red brick house that these folks aren't blessed with the best taste in the world, but why, pray tell, would anyone put PLASTIC flowers in their yard (and I DO mean IN their yard -- there's not a flowerbed to be found)? And if you ARE going to 'plant' fake flowers, you could at least go to the trouble to make them appear somewhat realistic -- these things are sticking out of the ground so far that you can see the big green spike that usually goes inside the vase!
I have half a mind to sneak over there one night, gather them all up and put them in a garbage bag on their front porch with a note and a gift certificate to Home Depot.
"Dear neighbor, please do us all a favor (and our property values too), and go to Home Depot to buy some REAL flowers! We'll even help you plant them in REAL flowerbeds!
Sincerely,
Your non-plastic-flower-loving neighbors.
P.S. You'll find the Virgin and her petting zoo around back. We thought they'd be more comfortable there."
It's obvious from the turquoise trim on their red brick house that these folks aren't blessed with the best taste in the world, but why, pray tell, would anyone put PLASTIC flowers in their yard (and I DO mean IN their yard -- there's not a flowerbed to be found)? And if you ARE going to 'plant' fake flowers, you could at least go to the trouble to make them appear somewhat realistic -- these things are sticking out of the ground so far that you can see the big green spike that usually goes inside the vase!
I have half a mind to sneak over there one night, gather them all up and put them in a garbage bag on their front porch with a note and a gift certificate to Home Depot.
"Dear neighbor, please do us all a favor (and our property values too), and go to Home Depot to buy some REAL flowers! We'll even help you plant them in REAL flowerbeds!
Sincerely,
Your non-plastic-flower-loving neighbors.
P.S. You'll find the Virgin and her petting zoo around back. We thought they'd be more comfortable there."
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