SIDEBAR: My Life as a Lyricist

As the trip progressed, we began singing silly words to the tunes of some of the songs from our repertoire. Finally, my true genius could shine -- for funny lyrics are my forte'. Following is an example, based on the Sacred Harp tune, "O, When Shall I See Jesus"

O, when shall I see Leipzig
In rain from up on high
And shall hear the voice of Peter in that morning.

And there's a flowing fountain
But the bus cannot draw nigh
And shall hear the voice of Peter in that morning.

REFRAIN:
Oh shout, "hurry"
Thou shalt mount upon the bus
And shall hear the voice of Peter in that morning.

Gird on the raincoat brother
And be prepared to run
And you'll hear the voice of Peter in that morning.

For the bus cannot go hither
To food or rest or fun
And you'll hear the voice of Peter in that morning.

(REFRAIN)

Our ears shall hear with gladness
That bathrooms are ahead
And shall hear the voice of Peter in that morning.

Our tongues shall speak the glories
Of dumplings ne'er again
And shall hear the voice of Peter in that morning.

(REFRAIN)

END

(c) Oh to be a 40's Torch Singer.
All rights reserved.

We sang this for Peter on the final evening. I think Iain's feelings might have been a bit injured...

There are other pieces on which I'm working for our "after party."

Titles include:

"Oh, Crap, I Accident'ly Turned Off the Organ"
"Deep Sleep (on a Plane or Bus to You)"
"You Be Naughty"
"When Will I Be Sightseeing?"

Maybe there's a future in the arts for me after all!

Day Eight: Leipzig

Our day began with a bus trip to Leipzig, where we visited Thomaskirche. This is the church where JS Bach was cantor for 27 years and where his remains rest today. Again, not quite "getting" us as a group, our head tour guide (Iain) allowed seven minutes for us to visit this church - not realizing how profound it is for a musician to stand before the resting place of such a great! As we stood there quietly, reverently, Billye began to sing ever so softly the Komm in mein Herzenshaus... there was not a dry eye to be found.

We had a few quick moments to spend at the Bach Museum and then it was back on the bus to head for Wittenberg. Thankfully, our dear Peter insisted that we be allowed to spend some time in Lutherstadt Wittenberg -- the capital of the Reformation. We saw Schosskirche, where Luther posted his 95 Theses, Marienkirche, where Luther preached and Lutherhalle, a museum dedicated to Luther and artist Luther Cranach.

We were then back on the bus and headed for Berlin, where our tour would end. To add yet another adventure to our journey, one of our travelers found that he was completely unable to keep up with the tour group and so had to have special arrangements made for all travel by foot. On this evening, he was put in a taxi and sent to the restaurant where we were all to meet in an hour's time. It was about a seven minute walk from where the buses were parked. Everyone took the hour to check out the church where our final concert would occur the following evening and to do a little window shopping. When we arrived at the restaurant, Ron was not there. Unfortunately, no one had gotten the name of the cab company, nor the cab number and, as far as we were aware, Ron did not have the name and address of the hotel with him. Thankfully, he DID speak fluent German -- but everyone was still quite concerned.

The tour guides and bus drivers went into action and finally, the police were called in. As we were about to finish dinner, we received word that Ron was fine. He'd been at the hotel all along and the hotel had called the tour company and they had tracked us down at the restaurant. Even though Ron spoke perfect German, his taxi driver did not! He was Turkish! We later found out that the restaurant had recently moved and Ron was taken to the old location and let out -- alone! Bless his heart, he was a good sport about it all. Thank God he was okay!

Oh, did I mention that dinner was sausage and sauerkraut? At least there were no freakin' dumplings!

Day Seven: Off to Dresden

Dresden -- a city decimated by the Allied bombings of World War II, has fortunately been restored to much of its former glory. In particular, the reconstruction of Frauenkirche (Church of Our Lady) has had a tremendous impact on healing old wounds.

I spent the day with my parents, walking the city and seeing the sights. Then we had a guided tour of Frauenkirche and various other buildings of historical significance. We ended the day with a visit to the Zwinger, where we saw Raphael's Sistine Madonna.

We finished the evening with dinner at Sophienkeller, where we were served more dumplings and sauerkraut! I left the majority of my dinner on my plate, as this was the third time in as many days that we'd been served the same fare. Between dinner and dessert, we were entertained by a magician, who moved from table to table. In an effort to see what he was doing, one of my fellow sopranos leaned across her table... near the candle... catching her hair on fire! I only noticed when one of her dinner companions jumped up and started hitting her in the head with his napkin. She was fine -- just some singed hair and a bruised ego -- but the stench of burned hair permeated the room for the remainder of the evening. Never a dull moment with this group!

Then, we were off to the hotel. Peter asked us who had not eaten their dumplings and the entire bus raised their hands! He surmised that the leftover dumplings had been smashed flat, dredged in powdered sugar and served again as dessert! The bus was soon rocking with the chant: "No more dumplings, no more dumplings!" We then got a complete stand-up comedy routine from Peter -- who had apparently had several halbes of Pills with his dinner! (Those are half-liter Pilsners, for those who require translation.)

We drove and drove and drove and drove and were beginning to wonder where the heck this place was! When at last we arrived at this less-than-attractive facility (which looked a bit like a cheesy motel), we were instructed to stay on the bus and that the staff would board the bus to give us our keys. The young man informed us that they had two pay channels that were FREE - but that one "must like titties". (Did he not KNOW that this was a church group?) Turns out they were porn channels. He also asked that we refrain from coming to breakfast all at once, as they would not be able to accommodate all of us. Fortunately, the rooms were very nice and there was a cute little pub attached where several of us enjoyed a good local beer with our tour guides.

In the morning, we tried to stagger our arrival at breakfast and much to our delight enjoyed the best buffet yet -- including caviar and smoked salmon! Looks can be deceiving. I would never have thought that this would be one of the most enjoyable stays yet (and NOT because of the porn channels, Ron!)

Day Six: If it's Tuesday it must be Weimar

There was an aggressive sight-seeing agenda planned for the day. We were given the option the night night before to go or to stay. The day trip was made to sound like a harrowing foray into the unknown and given the previous day's events and the fact that we had a full concert that evening, I opted out. I missed a trip to Wartburg Castle, Lutherstube (where Martin Luther translated the Bible into German), the Bach family home and historic St. George's Church. Everyone who went thoroughly enjoyed the trip, but I rather enjoyed the down time.

Sometimes, too much togetherness makes me cranky and I was feeling the need for space. I am definitely not a herd animal! The need for down time was punctuated by a splitting headache and an upset stomach, so I caught up on my journal entries and rested. It was a cold and rainy day -- just perfect for lounging about doing nothing. I sauntered down to the hotel restaurant for lunch and tried out a few phrases of German with my waitress. She smiled enthusiastically... but her English was far superior to my German!

Our concert at St. Marien Church in Bad Berka (click on "Geschichte" to see pictures) received a hearty standing ovation. The church was beautiful and the organ was designed and installed by Bach. With a full and swell and dozens of stops that had to be pulled, we saw a literal example of "pulling out all the stops" at the conclusion of the postlude. The sound was amazing.

Speaking of amazing, during "Amazing Grace," one member of our audience was moved to tears. Music truly is the universal language.

To add to our list of adventures, two members of our choir got locked in the church after the concert. We were all scheduled to change clothes in an outbuilding, but due to lack of space, Larry and Jeff decided to change in the church. Not realizing there was anyone inside, the Sexton locked them in. Thankfully, someone heard them shrieking like girls and banging on the doors and brought help.

Speaking of girls... we had three teenage girls on the trip as well. As we rode up to our rooms in the elevator that night, the grandmother of two of the girls shared a story about her youngest granddaughter. It seems that she had visited the hotel's pool, where she encountered several naked men. She told her grandmother about this and her grandmother, appalled, asked if she left immediately, to which Katherine replied, "No, Nana, it was okay. They had their legs crossed."

Priceless.

Day Five, continued: Man's Inhumanity to Man

We arrived at the camp and traveled down "Blood Road", which was a cobblestone roadway built by the prisoners. The sky was gray and there was a heaviness about the place, despite its location in a beautiful wood.

We watched a brief film about the camp and then set out on a walking tour. As I walked those streets and gazed at the ruins of the barracks, I couldn't help but wonder about the feet that walked them some sixty years ago. In places, stones had been left on the markers identifying the various blocks... Bulgarians, Jehovah's Witnesses, Jews, Senti and Roma... Women and children, homosexuals, deserters and conscientious objectors. Leaving stones at a burial site is a Jewish sign of remembrance. I placed several myself on the markers where there were none... someone MUST remember.

As we left the camp, we gathered around the Russian memorial to the survivors and victims. There, we listened to the Mourner's Kaddish and recited the 23rd Psalm. Our director and her husband then sang Adonai R'oi. It was a profound moment in a gorgeous setting overlooking the town of Weimar. How could such horror happen in the midst of such beauty?

Our evening continued with our visit to St. Stephan's Church (Buchenwald Memorial Church) where we were met by Father Muller and several of his parishioners -- none of whom spoke a word of English! They served us Thuringien sausages in the pouring rain and seemed delighted to see us.

After dinner, Father Muller explained the significance of the artwork on the church's altar. It was a free-form metal piece that was reminiscent of barbed wire. It was in three colors: black, gold and red. He explained that the Gold signified God, the Black, evil, and the red striving against evil and the blood that was shed at Buchenwald. The cross in the center had a crown of thorns that has been transformed by the risen Christ into rays of light.

We held a church service together and shared communion. It was a very special service, although few from the area attended.

We ended our evening with dinner at a local Rathskeller in the town center and finally arrived back at our hotel well after 11pm. It was an exhausting day -- both physically and emotionally -- but an experience I would not trade for anything.

Day Five: Prelude

Day Five began on a light note, as our dear Peter (affectionately referred to with our faux British accents as "Pee-tah") described our day thus:

"We are going to Buchenwald and meeting a person whom I do not know, paying them an unknown sum of money and getting some PDA devices. I don't know what they are or if we'll even need them. Unfortunately, the museum is closed today, but we might walk about the grounds, unless the gate is locked, in which case our entire trip will be for naught." I swear it was like having John Cleese narrating our trip!

He went on to tell us about his most memorable trip. He was studying in London and his professor took the entire class to see a production of Faust just outside of town. No one was particularly interested in attending - as the play is notoriously boring - but much to the students' delight and the professor's dismay, the entire cast was NUDE!

Day Four: Face to Face with God

Our morning began with our director's son announcing that he'd left his passport at the church the night before. Frantic phone calls were made, as we would need to cross the border into the Czech Republic that evening... but it wasn't looking promising. You'll recall that we had another member of our merry band without a passport as well. If they were not admitted to the Czech Republic, they would have to go on by another means to our next location -- Weimar.

With that cloud hanging over our heads we set off for Passau, whose long history goes back to Roman times. The city lies on a peninsula between the rivers Danube and Inn, near the Austrian border. Peter gave us a run down of our day, which included all of the things we couldn't do: we can't start our walking tour at the tower, because the bus can't get there and it's a long, long walk. There are services today, so we probably won't be able to see the cathedral and certainly all of the shops will be closed. It became comical. We dubbed our trip, "A Bridge to Nowhere" (in reality, it was called "A Bridge Across the Water").

Despite the low expectations set for us by dear Peter, we arrived at St. Stephan, the site of (purportedly) the largest pipe organ in the world, right at the end of Sunday Mass. We stood quietly in the back -- taking in the stunning sights -- until the service had ended, and as the postlude began, we moved down the aisle and turned to behold the most magnificent instrument I've ever seen. As the music began to swell, it sounded as if one was desperately pleading with God for mercy and I was moved to tears. To say that it was glorious is insufficient -- in fact, there are no words adequate to describe this experience.

As I stood there in awe, I noticed a little boy in a stroller, who was perfectly positioned to view the magnificent paintings on the ceiling. Just then, a broad smile broke across his face, his blue eyes danced and he reached up his little hands to the sky, as if to say, "pick me up, pick me up!" The painting above us was of an angel with outstretched arms.

As we left the church, our organists and director garnered an invitation to see the organ. They came back glowing and I doubt that their feet touched the ground the rest of the day! Come to find out, the organist who transported us all to heaven with his playing was a 22 year old substitute who was improvising based on a simple hymn tune. Astounding.

I spent the remainder of the day with our church organist and her husband, taking the walking tour that was supposedly impossible and enjoying every moment of it. We stopped for lunch outside the City Hall in an outdoor cafe for a delicious German meal of sausages, kraut and potato salad. It was a perfect day!

That is, until we got back on the bus to head for the Czech Republic. There had been no word on the passport that was left behind and we still had yet another member who would have to visit the Consulate in Berlin to have his replaced. We did what everyone does in times of trouble -- we prayed. We prayed for favor. We prayed that they would wave us through... and as we approached this foreboding structure on the Czech border, our prayers were answered.

Our elation at our easy entry to the Czech Republic was soon replaced with an uneasiness. The landscape had changed significantly... there were abandoned buildings and graffiti everywhere and as we drove toward our hotel, we all wondered what we might find there.

We now pause to bring you this word from our sponsor

Sorry to interrupt the trip log. I just have to say that I am in a blue funk since returning to the States. More than ever before, I loathe my job, am bored with my surroundings and long for something more... something different... something exciting. Mid-life crisis at 42?

I just want to pull the covers over my head and disappear... or better yet, sell everything I own and run off to Europe (DAMN, I sound JUST like my Ex!).

Day Three: Salzburg

Our second day in Salzburg began with a wonderful breakfast at the hotel consisting of fresh fruits and vegetables, bread and cheese, yoghurt and boiled eggs. It reminded me a great deal of breakfast in Turkey, only missing the feta cheese and olives.

Our tour included a visit to the Residenz, Salzburg's palace, which was the seat of the Salzburg prince-archbishops. I saw the rooms where Mozart played as a child. We also visited Mozart's House, where I bought my first tacky tourist item: a Mozart t-shirt. We then took a walking tour of the city center, including the open-air market, where we ate lunch and chatted with our fellow travelers. Unfortunately, one member of our group was the victim of a pick-pocket and lost all money, credit cards and her husband's passport in the process.

At four that afternoon, we arrived at Stadtpfarrkirche Saint Nicolas in Bad Ischl for rehearsal. The church is beautiful! Of special note is the organ: it is called “Organ of the Emperor´s Jubilee” as was donated to the church in 1910 by the Emperor Franz Joseph I for his 80th anniversary. The organ was redone by Rieger again in 1993. It has 3 manuals, 59 registers and pedals and 3.789 pipes. Our tour organist had to send in credentials and letters of recommendation in order to be allowed to play it!

We were scheduled to perform four selections during the evening Mass and then do a concert following the service; although, upon arrival, we still did not know which selections the priest had chosen for the service.

After rehearsal, we jogged down the street to Cafe' Sissy where we nearly inhaled our Wiener Schnitzel in order to be back at the church to change into our concert attire (in a glass-walled room) for the evening's services. In the midst of this chaos, our director's husband (Rusty) realized that he'd left his tuxedo pants at the hotel. Thankfully, another choir member had been wearing black pants that day - so Rusty ended up wearing a tuxedo on top, and black jeans on the bottom!

With three minutes remaining before the evening Mass began, Billye (our director) ran into the room where we were waiting and hurriedly gave us the order of service before herding us out the door and to the organ balcony (which was up a narrow spiral staircase). The service went off without a hitch and the concert received a standing ovation.

I think that our tour guides were quite taken aback. After suffering through the whining about all of the walking and myriad complaints from our older choir members, they were pleasantly surprised to learn that we could really sing!

Upon our return to the hotel, a group of us met in the lobby bar for a few cocktails before heading off to bed. All-in-all, it was a magnificent day!

All Roads Lead to Ausfahrt

Spending hours on a bus will turn the most civilized person into a silly sot. I noticed a plethora of signs that said "Ausfahrt" and when others noticed them as well, I quipped, "it appears that all roads lead to Ausfahrt." It was quickly adopted as a catch phrase during times when we were obviously not heading in the right direction. However, I must give credit where credit is due: our bus driver, Tom, could get that bus into and out of places I never thought a bus could go! We later learned that Ausfahrt means "Exit."

The Grand Adventure

I've just returned from a 10-day trip to Europe. I kept a journal, so I'll begin with our departure and work my way through the trip day by day.

Day One: Thursday, June 21st

We met at the airport at 8am for a noon flight to Atlanta and then on to Munich. It was a fairly uneventful domestic flight -- but as we boarded the plane, our director's husband (our tenor section leader) found that he had forgotten his music. Frantically, he called his daughter and asked her to FedEx it to him. Once on the ground in Atlanta, he called her back and learned that it would cost $90 to send the music and that there was no guarantee it would reach us in time for the first concert in Salzburg. I suppose it's a good thing that our flight out of Atlanta was delayed, because it gave our director an opportunity to have all of the scores copied for her adoring ADD hubby.

Upon arrival in Munich, we were greeted by our tour guides, Iain and Peter. I was assigned to the "B" bus with Peter at the helm. Our contingent consisted mostly singers and their spouses, our director, her husband and son. Much to our amazement and chagrin, we were immediately whisked away for a day of sightseeing -- even though it was 2am our time. We headed for Salzburg, where we visited Herrenchiemsee Castle. The castle is on an island and is accessible only by ferry. It was a perfect day, the grounds were beautiful and we thoroughly enjoyed our visit. As we were awaiting a return ferry, suddenly the skies turned dark, the wind whipped up and the sky opened. We ran for a covered walkway and stared in amazement as hail the size of jaw-breakers fell from the sky and covered the landscape. Several in our group were caught out in this meteorological anomaly and we all arrived at the ferry drenched to the skin. From there, we boarded the buses and went off to the Hotel Mercure, Salzburg.

After a quick change of clothes, we headed off to dinner. On the way there, Peter informed us that there would be a bit of a walk, as the bus couldn't get to the restaurant directly. (This, we were soon to learn, would be a recurring theme). We set off on foot, on cobblestone streets, after being up for over 24 hours and we walked... and we walked... and we walked... finally arriving at the restaurant well after the "A" bus! Seems there was a shorter route than the one we took -- however, we were fortunate to see a wonderful cemetery after which the cemetery in Sound of Music was fashioned. Later, our guide admitted that he'd been lost!

The restaurant, Stiftskeller St. Peter, was lovely. Our waiter was fabulous, as was the meal and company. My parents and I shared the evening meal with a lovely couple -- a retired Air Force musician and his wife, who is an artist and jewelry designer. Upon our return to the hotel, we all fell into bed, exhausted! Did you know that hotels in Europe generally aren't air conditioned? I didn't!

(Stay tuned for the next installment: Salzburg, Day 2)

Wheels Up!

After 18 months of planning, the big day has finally arrived. Tomorrow morning I head to the airport at 7:30am for our church choir's singing mission trip to Germany, Austria and the Czech Republic.

We will arrive in Munich at 7:50 am Friday morning (their time) and return from Berlin on June 30th. From Munich, we take our "luxury" tour bus to Salzburg Austria where we will visit Herrenchiemsee Castle, the Residenz (where the child prodigy Mozart often played), and Salzburg Cathedral, world renowned for its 4,000 pipe organ. We will also visit Mozart's House.

We go on from there to visit Passau and Karlovy Vary (which is in the Czech Republic and known for its glasswares and garnets!) I also understand there are some magnificent spas there, but I doubt we'll have time to indulge.

From there, we make a solemn visit to Buchenwald -- the site of a WWII concentration camp. We will be singing our second concert at a church which overlooks the site. Wow.

We go from there to Weimar, Eisenach and Erfurt where we will visit the places where Martin Luther translated the Bible into German, the historic St. George's church and St. Mary's Cathedral where Luther was ordained.

Then, it's off to Dresden, then Leipzig, Wittenberg and finally Berlin where we will do our final concert. There are four concerts in all.

Our repertoire includes:

• O, When Shall I See Jesus? - The Sacred Harp, 1844
• Come Thou Fount from An American Triptych - Setting by Leo Nestor
• Amazing Grace (acapella, with flute interludes) - Arranged by Richard Proulx
• Alleluia from Cantata No. 142 - J.S. Bach, arr. Walter Ehret
• Alleluia - Ed Harris
• Alleluia from Place of the Blest - Randall Thompson
• Komm in mein Herzenshaus, from Kantate No. 80, Ein Feste Burg Ist unser Gott - Johann Sebastian Bach
• Ein' feste Burg ist unser Gott (A Mighty Fortress is Our God) - Arr Hal H. Hopson
• Jubilate - Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
• Laudate Dominum from Vesperae solennes de confessore (K. 339) - Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
• Requiem - John Leavitt (a seven-movement work)

Our program at Buchenwald will include:

• Kol Nidre - Max Bruch
• Adonai R'oi (Psalm 23) - Gerald Cohen
• Credo - Jane M. Marshall (text based on an inscription found in a Cologne cellar where Jews hid, and Mark 9:24)
• Mourner's Kaddish

I will be back on June 30th and will try to have some pictures and wonderful stories to share.
It should be an amazing trip!

On Turning 42

This week I turned 42. That's really all I have to say about that.

As I reflect on the events surrounding the big day, it strikes me more than anything that the person who should know me best, doesn't know me at all. For example, I always seem to receive the most un-me presents from "A". One year, I got a bike... another year I got a sattelite radio... another a television. This year, I got a gold-dipped rose. It's lovely, I suppose, in a gaudy sort of way... but I have absolutely no clue what I'm supposed to DO with it! I don't mean to sound ungrateful... I appreciate the thought... really, I do... but a gold-dipped rose?

We did go to a great new restaurant though... at least I thought it was great. I was thoroughly enjoying myself -- tasting the wine flights that were paired with my meal of slow roasted rotisserie chicken pulled from the bone and sautéed with artichoke hearts, kalamata olives, crimini mushrooms and fresh herbs, finished in a smoked tomato and balsamic vinegar reduction (oh, but I digress) -- when "A" proclaimed that the reason he likes the desert and sailing is because it's away from people -- it's quiet, peaceful and serene -- and restaurants like the one we were sitting in make him feel uncomfortable and drive him crazy. I LOVED the restaurant. I LOVED being in the midst of people having a good time -- talking, laughing and carrying on. I LOVED being right in the middle of LIFE! That's when it struck me -- like a Mack truck on a downhill incline -- this is just not going to work. That realization took the wind out of my sails... sapped my appetite for the scrumptious cheesecake flight I was about to order and turned my mood from a bubbly champagne to a brooding Bordeaux.

Things didn't improve much when we got home. We settled in to watch a movie -- which he slept through -- and although we had planned for him to spend the night, I woke up alone this morning. He crept out in the middle of the night... didn't leave a note or anything. Guess he was disappointed that he didn't get 'dessert' either. Sorry... guess that's TMI.

I don't know how to reconcile these differences. Even if we split our time 50/50 between solitude and society, one of us will always be out of our element and miserable. Frankly, neither being miserable nor being with someone who's miserable particularly appeals to me. THIS is what faces me upon turning 42.

So, where is June?

Seems that Blogger is filing my June posts away in some deep, dark hole... Ah... the joys of technology.

Today was my nieces' recital -- one played piano and the other guitar. That was two torturous hours of my life I'd like to have back -- save for the sweet moments when they each sat beside me and put their heads on my shoulder. I love my girls.

"A" was supposed to come over today. It seems that I'm always going to his apartment... and even when he does stop by here, he rarely stays longer than a few minutes. It's as if he can't wait to get out the door -- like a goblin's gonna get him if he doesn't run away. Anyway, tonight, I was going to cook dinner and we were going to hang out here. When I called, he asked for a rain check. I wasn't surprised... a bit disappointed... but not surprised. I don't think we'll ever manage to live together again. We just want different things... and we each want them passionately. We have some wonderful moments together... but are moments enough to sustain a relationship for a lifetime? I don't know the answer to that.

I have an idea baking for a new website for me... I just have to identify enough public domain songs so that I can put together a nice repertoire without getting into any hot water. I think I'm going to throw my hat into the ring and see if I can get a band to pick me up as a vocalist. I've been haunting the audition boards here of late... I definitely have itchy feet (as my friend Tammy put it). I'll keep you posted.

A Fork in the Road

Yesterday I came upon a fork in the road... no, really, a four-pronged fork sitting on the road. I had to swerve to miss it. Perhaps we should ask Master Ron to interpret that one for us!

Yeah... but what does it MEAN?

So, in the wee-small-hours of the morn, I had this bizarre dream. In the dream, I was at the gym and one of the girls invited me to an event -- free overnight stay at an oceanfront hotel just for attending a 10 hour meeting the next day. I asked what the meeting was about and she said it was to become a Curves instructor. I promptly said, "I could do that!"

Not wanting to ignore signals from the Universe, I looked up opportunities at Curves... but really... when is it a "sign" and when is it just a crazy dream?

Things that make ya go, "hmmmmm..."

Last weekend, "A" (I guess I should re-name Mr. Small -- since we are no longer in a name-calling phase of our relationship) and I went out for Sunday Dinner at a local seafood restaurant. He was in a bit of a testy mood -- had been most of the weekend. As we sat there waiting for the copious amounts of food that he had ordered, a couple came in -- accompanied by a younger woman and sat at a table within my range of vision. I looked at the woman and thought that she looked very familiar. Everyone in the restaurant started buzzing around their table and, finally, the owner (or maybe head chef) came and sat down with them. As I stared at her (I hope not too apparently) trying to figure out who the heck she was, all of a sudden it dawned on me... it was my psychic! Well, she's not MINE, but she's the one I saw and about whom I wrote a while back!

The sight of her sent my mind back to her 'predictions' and I started reading back through my journal and my post about her on the blog. One of the things that she said to me was that I should find a house with the view that I want. That's always been a bit of a sticking point with me and "A" because he's a bit anti-social and wants to live out in the middle of nowhere and I want to live in a condo or small cottage by the ocean or on the bay. I thought we had reached an agreement -- that we would find a house with a water view. Well, over the Memorial Day Holiday, "A" got a bit in his cups and started talking about "the next house" he buys... once again, we were back to the "middle of nowhere" discussion. It makes me wonder if he was ever sincere about our compromise. It was not a very reassuring weekend and has me questioning the ground I thought we had gained.

It's That Time of Year

I'm learning something about myself these days. I'm learning that I'm a malcontent. I've been working for my current company for eighteen months... and I'm over it. No, really... I mean it... I'm over it! The working weekends, nights, driving all over hell's half acre to meet with people who don't even bother to show up 40% of the time. I am 100% pure-t OVER IT!!!

But here's the problem... I'm over it every 18 months and have been for these past 25 years. Do you know how long my resume would be if I listed ALL of my jobs? If I were an employer looking at my resume, I wouldn't hire me! LOL

Yep, it's that time of year -- only this year, I think I've run out of "do-overs." Guess I'll just have to figure out a way to be un-over-it. Any suggestions?

I've been away too long...

I promise to do better -- to write more often. Really, I do!

Sand

As I was straightening up this past weekend, I ran across a Journal that I started back in February of 2004 -- when Mr. Small and I were first facing separation. I took a weekend away down in North Carolina and did some writing while I was there. I actually wrote the following short story. I titled it: Sand.

A beautiful sea creature lives and frolics in the ocean deep -- safe within her beautiful shell. Tossed about by the waves, one day she washes up on a beach. Just as she nestles into the warm, soft sand, sea gulls begin to swoop and dive -- pecking at her beautiful shell, until at last it opens and its tender contents are devoured.

The tides rise and fall and, over time, the beautiful shell is worn smooth by the churning ocean waves. Years pass, and the shell continues the cycle: resting on the beach at low tide -- only to be swept once more into the chaotic sea as the tide comes in. This cycle seems to go unnoticed by the world and the shell bears her journey alone.

With each passing year, she becomes smaller and her memory of the beautiful sea creature she once was is but a faded memory. Bleached by the sun and tumbled by the sea, the shell bears no resemblance to her former glory. Even so, she basks in the sun on a bright winter morning.

All of a sudden, a careless traveller treads on her -- shattering her tiny, shimmering frame into a million pieces. The tide tumbles the pieces away and the once beautiful sea creature is reduced to nothing more than just grains of sand.

(c) Oh to be a 40's Torch Singer. All rights reserved.