I Remember

It was 7:55 am Central and I was driving down McNeil Drive in Austin, Texas on my half-hour, two mile commute to work. The usually comical group of morning drive-timers were saying, "CNN is reporting that a plane -- possibly a small commuter plane -- has hit the World Trade Center." They immediately went back to their schtick and play list and one stoplight later - at about 8:05, they came back on to say that a second plane has hit the second tower, to which I think, "that's a really tasteless joke - it's just not funny."

Over the next minutes, it became apparent to me that they were not kidding and my stomach dropped. By the time I reached the office, several of my colleagues were in the conference room watching CNN - there was video footage of the second plane hitting that's playing over and over as everyone tried to come to grips with what was happening. We all gasped in horror -- our country was under attack and our company's vice president was on a flight out of DC that morning! Of course, he was unreachable and we were all just sickened to think that we might lose this wonderful man!

At 8:59 when the South Tower collapsed, our owner and the management team decided that enough was enough and sent us all to our desks. Even though the Pentagon was hit at 8:37 central, I don't remember hearing about it until I was sitting at my desk later that morning. That was the most frightening part to me -- especially since most of the news agencies were reporting that there were still numerous planes in the air -- some unaccounted for.

I remained at work for several hours, finally hearing from the VP -- his flight had been diverted to Louisiana, where it appeared, he was going to be stranded for some time. We even worried briefly about our office in Austin, as one of GW's brothers worked in the building next door to ours.

I checked out of the office around noon - having been unable to reach my family on the east coast -- my brother in particular, who was a first responder, a member of the military reserve and a HazMat specialist. I spent the next 24 hours glued to my television -- searching for answers to how something so horrible could have happened in this country I love so much. I still don't know the answer to that, but I do know that life changed for me that day. I suddenly felt vulnerable -- fearing for my own safety in a way I had never known before.

I remember September 11, 2001 and I will never forget the families who lost loved ones and the brave first responders who lost their lives trying to save others. I pray for a world where we no longer feel the need to hurt and destroy one another -- a world of peace. Naive? Perhaps... but it's so much better than the alternative.

Perspective

Holy cow! Was I really sounding that pathetic just one month ago? Sorry to keep my faithful few in the dark for so long. I've been as busy as a one-armed paper hanger and it has paid off! I just got the end of month rankings and I'm currently ranked number 2 in the region and number 66 in the NATION in sales!

Thankfully, my back has been cooperating. I even endured an ungodly procedure called a discogram. They determined that (surprise, surprise) I have two bad discs causing radicular back pain. (Jeeze... I've known that since I was 16 years old!) If anyone ever recommends that you have one of these tests, tell them to go to hell! It was one of the worst experiences of my life.

In other news, Tropical Storm Ernesto dropped about 8 inches of rain in my area today. I spent much of the morning and early afternoon without power and several hours digging trenches to divert water away from my back door. My efforts resulted in a well-engineered series of gutters (which my ex was supposed to install on the detached garage four years ago) leading from the sidewalk to the drainage ditch that runs down the side of the house (I dug that three years ago during Hurricane Isabelle - the ex never got that leveled or had the walkway installed either).

In still other news, I am now officially into a size 10 (down from a bursting-at-the-seams size sixteen) and was recently told by a client that I look like Jamie Lee Curtis. I once had a boyfriend who said he originally asked me out because I looked like her - but that was 20 years ago. It made me feel good to know that I must somehow look more like I did back then - although I've never really seen the resemblance myself. One of these days I'll get around to posting a picture of the new me... but here's one of the way I USED to look!

EDITED TO ADD: That photo is from my blue period... I don't know what happened when I uploaded it from the CD... but it wouldn't let me re-load it or edit it. Perhaps it's fitting after all!

Blue

Do you ever have days when you just feel blue? When there's nothing particularly wrong... but nothing particularly right either... I have two offers of things to do this evening -- attending a concert (in which I SHOULD be singing, but couldn't bring myself to make the rehearsals) or going to dinner and a movie with a friend. Neither one sounds appealing to me at the moment.

There are days when I wish I could be a dog... sleep, eat and chase a few balls (okay, that sounds a bit risque)... no worries about mortgages or sales goals or surgery or pain... nothing whatsoever to think about but 'where's my favorite chew toy?'

I am really, really hating being without a partner in life right now... with a partner, the weight wouldn't be so heavy... a bad month wouldn't put me in the humiliating position of borrowing money from my mom or force me to choose between physical therapy and groceries.

(whine, whine, whine... how fricking pathetic)

Helpless

Just this past Wednesday, I was pain free. I was hesitant to tell my physical therapist that for fear of jinxing the whole thing and, lo and behold, within 72 hours of making the statement, I'm back where I was before the last batch of steroids.

The hardest part of having a herniated disc that's not causing constant pain is that you forget you have it and you start to do things you shouldn't - like picking up items that weigh more than a pound, or twisting and turning your torso. I spent three hours yesterday, with the help of my mother and my ex, organizing my office. The ex met me at the office supply store and carried my purchases to the office. He then put together the literature sorter for my 50 or so product brochures. All I did was sort papers and put them in the proper slots. My mom did all of the bending over and lifting of small boxes of brochures.

It is so incredibly frustrating to feel that you can't do anything! If I drop something, it has to stay where it falls. If my trash can is full, I have to call my dad to empty it. I can't even carry a load of laundry to the washing machine by myself or bend over to take the clothes out of the dryer when they're done. What's worse is that, with heat indices of over 100 degrees, I can't wear shorts or skirts in public because I can't bend over to shave my legs!!!

Feeling helpless is not something that sits well with me. It makes me angry... the kind of angry that makes me cry... which just makes me MORE angry. On days like today, when the pain is radiating into my hips and shooting down my legs and I can't sit down (thank goodness for wireless keyboards) and I can't bear weight on my spine for more than a few minutes at a time and I look around me and see all that needs to be done, all I CAN do is take my meds and sleep. Thankfully, that turns off my brain - if only for a while - and keeps me from feeling helpless. If only I could sleep until it's all better...

The Boy Who Broke-Up with Me

My sophomore year in high school was probably one of my worst years ever. My boyfriend from the previous year had graduated and my parents had forbidden me to see him. I had to have my wisdom teeth removed and my deviated septum repaired and then I got mono and was out of school for an entire 9 weeks. Once I recovered, I spent most of my time at home, reading and playing the piano, but even so, I got accused of sleeping with practically every boy in school and myriad other offenses for which I was SO not guilty.

I only dated a couple of boys -- very briefly -- and I always broke up with them... with one exception. His name was Jimmy and he was the first boy in my school to have an earring and long hair. Everyone thought he was wild, but he wasn't. He didn't drink, didn't smoke, didn't do drugs, went to school every day, loved his mother, was thrify, loyal, brave and did not believe in pre-marital sex. I was smitten with him... but since he didn't believe in pre-marital sex, he also didn't want to do anything that might lead there. After one particularly steamy goodnight kiss, he broke up with me... supposedly because I was "getting too serious."

After graduation, he went on to become a police officer in our city - working vice for a while and eventually moving over to a uniformed job. My brother has seen him on occasion, as they both work for the city, and he always asks about me. The last time they ran into each other, Jimmy was newly divorced.

Then, a couple of weeks ago, as I was walking Caleb, a guy jogged by my house, with a woman riding a bicycle along side of him. I heard him say to her, "I think I went to school with her - I think that's Lauren." She yelled, "Are you Lauren?" and I replied, "yes" but they were too far away for me to ask who he was. Then, this morning as I was taking my pup out for his potty break, the same guy came jogging by my house and said, "good morning, Lauren." I said good morning and rifled through the file drawers in my brain trying to place him. It wasn't until he was out of ear-shot that it hit me... it was JIMMY! The hair's not long any more, he's BUFF AS HELL, and he's jogging down my street again! I made a mental note of the time and informed the pup that his new morning potty break will be promptly at 6:50 am from now on!

I wonder if he's over that "no pre-marital sex" thing yet? Inquiring minds need to know!

What I Want in a Man

Thanks to Jack, over at Sixteen Shades of Grey, I've found myself thinking about what I would want in a partner, if I ever decided to date again. Interestingly, my list looks very similar to Jack's... with a few exceptions and in a slightly different order:

-Loves me
-Affectionate
-Spiritual (NOT religious or narrow-minded)
-Intelligent/well read/well educated
-Good conversationalist
-Good sense of humour
-Well groomed (I'm not hung up on looks so much as just taking care with your appearance)
-Secure and confident
-Loves music and theatre
-Good listener
-Loyal
-Honest
-Romantic
-Nice smile
-Likes to go to new restaurants, movies, shows, museums
-Gets along well with my friends and family
-Considerate
-Generous
-Creative
-Understanding
-Open
-Good kisser (well, maybe that belongs higher up on the list! LOL)

So, what do you think? Does this man exist?

A Condo for Me

For the past eight months, I've been operating under the premise that I would sell my house next Fall and move into a condominium. There is some work that needs to be done to my house in order to get top dollar for it -- it is in need of some serious landscaping, the 1960's bathroom fixtures need to be replaced and the kitchen needs to be renovated. I was fairly content with my plan, until my mom mentioned that I could just hire a lawn service for the same price as a condo fee, upgrade the house to suit my fancy and just stay put (which just happens to be about 25 steps from their front door).

The concept has bugged me... simmered in my brain... made me question myself... made me wonder at her motives... made me wonder at mine. It's been disturbing... it's made me cranky... and as I write this today, I realize that I've had enough! For once in my life, I'm going to do what I want to do -- on my timeline and on my terms. I'm going to hire a contractor to do the bathrooms and kitchen -- hire a landscaper to do the yard and put up the fence and then I'M GOING TO MOVE AWAY FROM MY MOTHER!!! Don't you think 41 is plenty old to be out on my own!?!

We have the most complex relationship on the planet. I love my mother dearly. I consider her a good friend and a staunch supporter. Yet there's this thing between us that I can't quite define. Often, I feel like I'm suffocating and I just want to get as far away from her as I can. Then, something will happen in my life and she's the first person I want to call. I'm struggling with the church thing right now. I had been thinking of joining one of the small groups -- I talked to the host family and planned to start going in the Fall. Then, mom decided she wanted to go to that small group also and I felt violated... I wanted to have something that was just mine. I've found myself avoiding church all together... avoiding choir practice. Geeze-o-pete, I just need to get a life! (preferably one that doesn't involve my mother at every single turn) As Kahlil Gibran said, "let there be spaces in your togetherness"

I think I need more space and less togetherness. A condo it is!

When the Three-Way Mirror Becomes Your Friend

I never thought it would happen... truly, I didn't... but today, I actually stood in front of one of the dreaded department store mirrors and LIKED what I saw. Over the course of the last few years, I have lost 32 pounds and I am finally able to wear sizes that don't also appear in the Women's Department! I bought two new suits that don't look like gunny sacks or moo-moos! I actually looked like a professional business woman who's only 41, instead of like a fat, old frump!

I've also embarked upon a purging of the closets... tossing sizes with W behind them into a heap and gathering up everything with numbers that mark life events -- like driving, voting and buying beer!

What a glorious day indeed, when the mirror becomes your friend once again and what a startling sight to behold -- a closet with just two suits!

Those Wacky Virginia Senators

They've done it again! I just got this update from one of my Long Term Care brokers, notifying me of a bill the Virginia Senate has just passed, which will give people tax credits for Long Term Care premiums. A careful reading of the bill seems to indicate that this is much ado about nothing. Read on:

Virginia Senate Bill 786 was signed into law by the Governor and will take effect on July 1, 2006. The new law amends the state's tax code to provide a credit against individual income taxes for LTC insurance premiums paid on or after January 1, 2006. The amount of the credit for each taxable year equals 15% of the amount paid by the individual in LTC insurance premiums and is not to exceed over the life of any policy 15% of the amount of premiums paid for the first 12 months of coverage. If the credit exceeds the individual's income tax liability for the tax year, the excess amount can be carried over for credit against the income taxes of the individual for the next five years or until the credit is used, whichever comes first.

To claim the credit, the individual must attach to his individual income tax return proof of payment for the LTC insurance premiums.

-END OF SUMMARY-

Emphasis Mine

Now, is it just me, or does it say that all you'll ever get is 15% of the first year's premium? If you take the full credit the first year, you don't get any more credits. Am I missing something?

I'm going crazy... won't you come along?

I've stayed in the only comfortable position I can find (on my left side with a pillow between my knees) until I can't stay there any more. My left ear hurt so much, that I had to get up. So, I've been moving from desk to sofa to shower to bed (to make the muscle spasms stop) back to the desk (my office chair is relatively comfortable for five or ten minutes at a time). I feel like a caged lion.. pacing, pacing, pacing... and this damnable pain... the meds just take enough of the edge off to keep me out of tears... but it's constant, intractable... I feel as if I'm going insane.

I have an appointment with my doctor in about an hour. I'm hoping for some miracle drug... maybe a cortisone injection... something... anything to make this stop so that I can work. I just had to cancel two appointments that would have yielded several thousand dollars in commission because I simply cannot function... cannot drive... cannot sit... cannot sit anymore... have to pace...

I Believe in Miracles

Since learning of my dear friend's situation (see post entitled "Pain"), I have been communicating with all of my Prayer Warrior friends. I've been amazed at the encouraging words and unshakable faith of the (mostly) women who regularly come together in prayer before the Throne.

There was a period of time in my life when my faith was stronger -- a time when I was actually a prayer counselor for an international tele-evangelist. I received praise reports from so many callers who had joined together with other believers in claiming victory over death, disease, financial ruin and so many other things.

Just recently, I met a man who is a living testament to the power of faith over medicine. This man was born with Spina Bifida and Hydrocephalus. His mother was told that he would not live to come home from the hospital -- but he did. Then, she was told that he would not live to be one -- but he proved them wrong. Then, she was told that he would be a vegetable, but instead he graduated high school. He's now 36 years old. He's able to care for himself, even though he's in a wheelchair. He is mildly delayed mentally, but is planning to move to a group home soon, where he'll have his own room!

When I met with his mother, she recounted the struggles she went through - almost taking her own life - when someone intervened and helped her through it all. This person led her to a personal relationship with God that transformed her life.

As I prayed for my friend today, the words of encouragement from a local prayer group echoed in my mind:

"Tell this mom that faith is believing the impossible. It is evidence of things not seen and believing that no matter what the test shows, no matter what the doctors say, this baby belongs to God, who knew him even before he took form in her womb. Speak life to this baby, declare that he will live in good health and he will not die. Stand on the word of God. He said that whatsoever you ask in my name and believe, that will I do. I want her to talk to Jacob Daniel - a powerful name they have chosen for him - talk to him all during the day and tell him that God has a purpose and a plan for his life and that he will fulfill it. God gave her this baby now she must believe God for him - speak life. Say what the Doctor said or found, say what the test results show but know this-when all else fails God is more than able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all that we could ever ask or think. He is the Lord God ALL MIGHTY."

So, I stood in the gap and spoke life to Jacob Daniel... I spoke healing to his head and his spine and his heart... and as I did so, I was overcome with emotion... I wept... I wept for this precious babe and his loving mother and father... and I wept for the faith that I have lost.

Once Upon a Tuesday Dreary...

while I pondered weak and weary...

It's been quite a day, bloggers. It started with my 9 am call to my doctor's office to get the results of my MRI. The nurse, who sounded like she was all of 15 years old, informed me that I had a herniated L5-S1 disc. "That's funny," I said, "I had that disc removed eight years ago." She spat and sputtered and didn't seem to know quite what to say. So, I gave her an assignment: "take this report to MY doctor (not one of the partners or one of the PAs) and have him call the radiologist for a new reading of the film."

When I went home for lunch, there was a message from dear, sweet Candy (not her real name, of course, but it fits). After hours of calling the poor radiologist everything from e to id, it turns out that our dear CANDY was the one who didn't know her butt from third base. She read the report wrong! I really have a herniated L4-L5 disc, with a narrowing of the disc space at L5-S1, indicative of a degenerative process (don't these guys ever read the patient profile? If he had, he would have known that there is NO DISC there to degenerate!). So, while this partly exonerates the radiologist, he's still scheduled to be dropped from my family and friends calling list, pronto!

So, as if that weren't bad enough, after going home to gulp down a pain pill and driving all the way across town in rush hour traffic to meet with a client, I've been stood up. I was worried about being a couple of minutes late because of a bad traffic accident and she didn't even bother to call to say she wasn't coming. Lovely!

Here I sit, in the agent's office, waiting for traffic to clear up a bit before hitting the road again. My Tramadol's working about half as well as I would like it to.

I think I'll go home and take an extra dose of muscle relaxers, wash them down with a bottle of wine and take a long, long nap. I don't have any appointments until after lunch tomorrow... can't hurt, right???

(How funny is it that spell checker keeps stopping on 'herniated' and giving me the option of changing it to 'urinated'? It must only be funny to people like me who spent several years peeing through a straw because of a herniation. Hysterical, this spell checker!)

Pain

Having been in constant pain for weeks now, I thought I'd reached the end of my rope -- I simply could NOT take it any more. Then, today, I learned of a tragedy that broke my heart and my pain seemed so superficial and silly and so BEARABLE.

Today I learned that a dear friend who has hoped and wished and prayed for a healthy child for years -- who has suffered three losses already -- and who was finally past the dreaded first trimester with her miracle baby... today, I learned that her precious baby boy may not live long enough to meet her. She received the devastating news that there are numerous abnormalities -- probably chromosomal in nature. The odds are not good and my heart is just breaking for her. Having lost several pregnancies myself, I know some of the pain... but to get to nearly 20 weeks and be dealt this blow... my mind just cannot comprehend the anguish she must be feeling.

Thoughts and prayers for strength and healing for my dear, dear friend.

======================================================

As for me, as if it really matters today, I'm scheduled for an MRI at 10:30 tonight. My back still hurts - especially when I sit for a while and then try to stand up. I'm walking like the Hunchback of Notre Dame. What a dashing sight I make sweeping into a client's office! Yeah, I'd give me tens of thousands of dollars to fund MY buy/sell agreement! NOT!!!

Anyway, I'll update tomorrow on how it goes. I know I won't get any results tonight... it's just hurry up and wait for the doctors to decide what to do with me next.

Ugh!

Oh, I did get some better pain meds... Tramadol... it doesn't make me see monsters (did I tell you about that... hmmm... guess not). The other night, I took all of my meds before going to bed and woke up with these HORRENDOUS nightmares! There were monsters and spiders and things going bump in the night. I decided to ditch the painkillers and just stick with the muscle relaxers and prednisone. I finished the entire pack of the steroids, but it doesn't seem to have done much good.

Enough rambling from me... it doesn't seem to matter so much in the grand scheme of things anyway.

I swear, I think my heart stopped...

thankfully, I was in the ER. After struggling with back pain off and on since the week before the big show, I finally caved and called my doctor. The pain was shooting down my legs and I had burning and muscle spasms in my calves. Of course, it was a Friday and the only time they could see me was 20 minutes prior to a closing appointment I had that was worth five figures in commission -- so after the appointment, I went off to the ER (courtesy of the ex, who dropped me off at the curb and left me there). After a two hour wait (which I spent pacing because sitting was just EXCRUCIATING), I was taken back to a bed where I waited another hour -- alone. All I could think was, "If I have to have another back surgery, I'll go bankrupt. I can't afford to be out of work for a month. I'll have to move in with my parents. I'll be back to square one." And the tears escaped the corners of my eyes, despite my best efforts to contain them.

One of the reasons I decided to go to the ER and not a doc in a box was that I thought they'd give me an MRI and I'd be one step ahead of the game. I was amazed to learn that they will only give you an MRI for back pain when there is evidence of cord compression -- i.e. numbness, or the inability to pee or poop. Now, the last time I was in the ER for my back, I met all of those criterion. This time, however, I just got drugs... and that's where the title of this post comes in. They put in an IV and gave me Dilaudid, phenergan and a massive dose of steroids. When the Dialudid hit my system, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't talk, it felt like my throat was closing up and I panicked! The nurse told me that everyone reacts differently and that I must be uber sensitive. She took my BP and it was just 90/58, so I got to stay a little while longer. She told me that drug addicts live for the moment when the dilaudid hits their systems. I say they can have it! It scared the shit out of me!!! Of course, I felt like a wet noodle after I caught my breath and my heart started beating again! LOL

Anyway, I have to call my primary on Monday to get an MRI scheduled. For now, I'm on a cocktail of Hydrocodone, Robaxin and prednisolone (so you'll have to excuse any typos). Just pray that I don't have to have surgery. I'm not overly optimistic about my chances of avoiding it... because even on the drugs, I can't sit for more than five minutes... which are now up... so I'm signing off.

As American as Apple Pie is a Hit!

Critics are raving, people are saying...

"I haven't had this much fun in years!" ~Greta Snootytoot

"This is a top-notch group of performers... especially that belter... what's her name? Lauren something? WOW! Did they fly her in from New York just for this?" ~ Grizzy Grumpus

"HOLY COW! I had no idea there was this much talent right here in Great Bridge!" ~Mel Vance, Theatre Critic, the Great Bridge Post

"You should take this show on the road! I'm sure they'd love you in Peoria!" ~ Mr. Rich Britches

As you can see, last night's performance was a ROUSING success and a ton-o-fun! The whole crew headed to the local wing joint afterward for a celebratory libation and today, we get to do it all again! We raised over $3,000 for our choir's concert tour in Germany next summer (which is just fantastic!) and we expect to raise even more tonight.

Digital video and audio clips will be forthcoming in the next few days... so, keep those browsers pointed here!!!

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent. Any similarity to persons either living or dead is purely coincidental!

The Diva is BACK!

So, (damn, I sure start a lot of posts with that word... maybe I need to expand the vocabulary a bit)...

Take Two: Well, my faithful readers, tonight the Diva was in the house! We did a run-through of the show and, despite my unrest with my location and partner on the Irving Berlin medley, it seems I'm pretty much center stage for the rest of the show... it's almost embarrassing... okay, not really... I'm just trying to summon a shred of modesty.

It seems that the industrial strength bra I purchased today alleviated most of the bouncing booby problem (sorry to disappoint, Jack! LOL) and I even got some additional (special - just for me) choreography. Did I mention that I love to perform... yeah, I thought it might have come up a time or two.

Anyhooo... It's late and I'm exhausted... but it's a good kind of exhausted. This... THIS I could do every day... they wouldn't even have to pay me. Oh, to be a 40's Torch Singer...

The Curse of the Big Boobies

Oh, for the days of wearing Danskin leotards sans brassiere... they're long gone, I fear. Now, I'm strapped with 38DD honkers that just won't be still. I walk - they jiggle, I bounce - they bounce, I dance, they... well... they blacken my eyes if I'm not careful. I hate having big boobs... I didn't used to have them and one would have thought that my weight loss of over 20 pounds would have reduced their volume... but no such luck... my legs are skinny, my face is thin... but my boobs remain... only now more prominent because the belly beneath them has disappeared.

I just spent the last half hour standing in front of my mirror trying on every bra in my bureau and then jumping up and down (surely that would have made a great entry for America's Funniest Home Videos). The only one that even remotely tames them also causes the dreaded Uni-Boob phenomenon... one giant boob right in front. It's NOT attractive.

So, it's off to Sears tomorrow to see the bra fitter. I'm thinking perhaps cast iron or brass... If it worked for Brunhilda, surely it will work for me!!!

Broadway it Ain't!

Rehearsals for the upcoming cabaret are in full swing. I was feeling great about our group's sound -- we have a wonderful blend. We even have some nice solos. Well, tonight that all vanished -- poof -- went up in smoke. You see, tonight, we started adding choreography.

Now, that's no problem for me -- I was born dancing -- but for the vast majority of our ensemble, it's a MAJOR problem. You know the type: two left feet, rhythmically challenged, white men can't dance (or is it jump?). I ask you, if great dancers make bad ideas look good, what happens when you have awful dancers and mediocre ideas??? EEEGADS!!!

What ever made these people think that 60+ year old men and women should try to execute a uniform sway, or worse yet, do "Fosse"? And who, pray tell, EVER decided that I (one of the FEW who can walk and chew gum at the same time) should be coupled with an old man who has neither rhythm nor melody in his frail old frame and positioned at the farther-most point away from center stage? Who, I ask?

Ah... well, at least I have my solos.... and, well, we'll always have Paris.

(sigh)

A Brand New Day

Ah, what a difference a day makes. Last evening, my ex came over and brought me a brand-spanking new TV... told me "Happy Birthday -- a little early". Then, today, Wally-World (aka Wal-Mart) was having a sale on their camping air mattresses. I got a new one with a memory foam topper and a new pump for under $50. So, my Universe is a happier place today.

Now, for some Random Bullets of Crap:

• My back yard looks like the Thousand Islands - I still haven't been able to get it leveled and aerated enough to absorb the rainfall. I'll get there, though. Did I post about the butt-hole who came over to "re-grade" it for me and all he ended up doing was scraping off all of my top soil and packing down a bunch of clay? I swear I could have hosted Wimbledon back there. It may still take weeks to get it fixed and get some grass planted.
• I had another appointment cancel this morning. I don't know what it is with people. About 50 percent either don't show up for their appointments or cancel at the last minute. How inconsiderate! Anyway... I'm shooting for 100% of my remaining appointments for the week. I INTEND to meet with ALL of them... and I INTEND to meet my sales goal for the second quarter!
• So... Aras is the newest Survivor. Should have been Terry. Nuff said.

That's all from me for today. Make the day count!

Blue Funk

Happy @#%&* Mother's Day. NOT!

Warning: this is a pissy, pitty party of a post. Read at your own risk.

So... the tv's dead, my sales are in the toilet and now my $%&*)$ air mattress has a leak. By three o'clock this morning, my butt was hitting the box spring. I have neither the patience nor the money to purchase a new television or a new mattress and I'm pretty pissed off at the whole universe right now. I know this isn't the right way of thinking about things... I know that we attract into our lives those things on which we place our attention... but damned if I can remember contemplating not having a tv to watch or a bed to sleep on or even money to pay my bills.

Add to it all the fact that today is Mother's Day and everyone keeps wishing me Happy Mother's Day... thanks for the reminder of the one thing I'll NEVER be! Even today's scripture readings were like a kick in the gut: Blessed is the woman whose children and grandchildren praise her. Guess I'm in the "unblessed" line. Lovely.