Can I Just Say, "Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww"

As we began preparations of our New Year's dinner, "A" made a confession. I wasn't quite sure what to expect, since he prefaced it with a query of "how much do you love me?" What he confessed made me want to throw up... he's been dipping snuff!!!! GROSSSSSSSS! I can remember so well asking my grandmother how in the world she could stand to kiss my grandfather and she told me that she made him wash out his mouth before she'd even come close!


I fear that my response wasn't very mature. I was disgusted. Then, I recalled my admonition to him earlier in the day that he had something in his teeth. He said it must have been pipe tobacco and I, like an idiot, bought that! He must have gotten nervous that I was on to him (honestly, I was clueless).


One of the best looking guys at my high school lost half his lower face and half his tongue to mouth cancer. I really thought "A" had better sense than this.


BLECH!!!!!!!!

DON'T DIP SNUFF!!!!!!

Strangers in the Night

Tonight we went out to dinner. Even in the aftermath of a migraine, I ended up driving so that he could play with my new Christmas toy -- a GPS unit. We arrived at the restaurant and sat down... ordered drinks and after a couple of stilted attempts at conversation, resigned ourselves to the occasional comment about the food, service or cranky children sitting behind us. It was sad to think that after 7 years of marriage I couldn't come up with one single thing to talk about. I listened to the conversations around us and felt awkward and uncomfortable in our silence.

We came home and I picked Dirty Dancing -- my favorite bad movie in all the world -- as our "movie of the night" and he promptly fell asleep. As I watched the sweet love story unfold, I sat and cried... not because the movie was sad, but because I am so incredibly unhappy.

He's now gone up to his new office where he's been sleeping every night on the giant sack chair I got him for Christmas and I wonder what the hell we're doing and why.

I've cancelled my vacation for next week. I just couldn't imagine an entire week alone with him. We are truly strangers now and it breaks my heart.

It's all my fault

Last night was A's company holiday party. I finally succumbed to the flu on Thursday night and stayed home from work on Friday... so I wasn't feeling up to going. I should have seen it coming, but somehow I just wasn't very observant and missed the end-around. After whining to the dog about me not going with him, he started to get ready and asked me which shirt he should wear. I gave my opinion, with which he, of course, argued - because he argues with everyone about everything -- including experts in every field. When I refused to take the bait and argue, he got mad and decided he wasn't going to the party after all. Then he stormed off to the liquor store, came home and headed straight upstairs to his office, where he stayed for the remainder of the evening.

Today hasn't been much better - although I did manage to get a home-cooked breakfast amid the complaints about the cost of it and the cursing and ranting and raving that went along with the cooking of it (always makes the meal so much more tasty!) After just three weeks of him being back in the house, I'm already finding myself escaping to the bathroom for a good cry.

It IS all my fault. It's my fault for going forward with the move when I knew in my heart that it wasn't going to work. It's my fault for not speaking up and telling him how I really feel. As much as I hate to admit it... it really IS my fault. Now I just need to fix it. Won't that be fun?

A Case of the "I don't give a shits"

Have you ever had days where you just don't give a hairy rat's ass about anything? Here's the list of things I need to do:

1. Get the rest of my business holiday cards addressed and mailed.
2. Follow-up with over a dozen people who've cancelled appointments over the past few weeks to reschedule.
3. Process a bunch of paperwork to get cases released
4. Prospect for new business
5. File
6. Start estimating 4th quarter taxes
7. Schedule 2008 Planning Meetings
8. and about a hundred other items and tasks... including putting up my Christmas tree!

Know what? I have no inclination to do any of it. Maybe it's the bug I've been fighting off... maybe it's the dismal, gray weather... maybe it's that I'd rather be working on the new play list for the band... or maybe it is, indeed, that I just don't give a shit. I think I'll give myself permission to indulge in this feeling -- just for today. Tomorrow, I'll tackle the "To Do" list again. Whew, what a relief!

Honesty

Do you guess it's a bad thing that when he asked if he was bothering me I said, 'yes'?

I've never thought of myself as a solitary soul, but I'm finding myself wishing more and more for the peace and quiet that was my life just two months ago. The ear-splitting action movies and the constant need for approval is wearing on my ever-so-thin nerves.

There's an obvious displeasure about my new involvement with the band and about the hours I keep at work, and there's an increasing level of discontent with his current employer. I can see the hand writing on the wall -- a big storm is brewing. I will be willing to bet that as soon as he's fully vested in his retirement plan at work (March), he will pull another stunt like the one he pulled after we got married when he came home and announced that he had quit his job with no other prospects on the horizon.

He's not a bad person -- really, he isn't. He's just not MY person... you know -- THE ONE. I thought he was... but I was oh so wrong. Guess it's time to be honest about that, too.

Since when...

is "why don't you put up those chips and eat me instead" considered foreplay?

I'm just sayin'...

Hit Me With Your Best Shot...

and other hits from the 70's, 80's and 90's could be heard across the Rosemont Road corridor last evening as our heroine belted out Benetar, Stevie Nicks, Jefferson Airplane, Sheryl Crow, Six Pence, None the Richer and many, many more. Not only did she prove herself a capable rocker, but also achieved the goose-bump effect with some sultry ballads including her rendition of Patsy Cline's Crazy.

Stay tuned for repeat engagements in 2008!