Last night was A's company holiday party. I finally succumbed to the flu on Thursday night and stayed home from work on Friday... so I wasn't feeling up to going. I should have seen it coming, but somehow I just wasn't very observant and missed the end-around. After whining to the dog about me not going with him, he started to get ready and asked me which shirt he should wear. I gave my opinion, with which he, of course, argued - because he argues with everyone about everything -- including experts in every field. When I refused to take the bait and argue, he got mad and decided he wasn't going to the party after all. Then he stormed off to the liquor store, came home and headed straight upstairs to his office, where he stayed for the remainder of the evening.
Today hasn't been much better - although I did manage to get a home-cooked breakfast amid the complaints about the cost of it and the cursing and ranting and raving that went along with the cooking of it (always makes the meal so much more tasty!) After just three weeks of him being back in the house, I'm already finding myself escaping to the bathroom for a good cry.
It IS all my fault. It's my fault for going forward with the move when I knew in my heart that it wasn't going to work. It's my fault for not speaking up and telling him how I really feel. As much as I hate to admit it... it really IS my fault. Now I just need to fix it. Won't that be fun?
6 comments:
Oh ((((((my dear Lauren)))))... I cannot imagine this struggle. The hoping it will work this time and the heartbreak when it's the same as before. I am so sorry this is happening to you, and that life with A is such a disappointment, so full of grief. I truly do wish I lived closer so I can come and sit on the lino in your bathroom with you and cry it out, work it out, hug you through it. I am just so sorry.
And please dear... his behavior is not your fault. And believing in a person's ability to change, for things to be better is a wonderful sign of a continued hopefulness in your spirit. I know you might see that diminishing as each time, he disappoints you but... oh well... I'm just praying for the strength for you to get your life back... (((((Lauren))))
here is a suggestion..try going at this relationship from a new angle. Tell him you wish to start praying with him, and make it a requirement for the relationship to continue. then see what kind of results you get...
Ron, he would laugh in my face. He is NOT a praying man. I have tried praying FOR him... and what I found was that he became more and more agitated... wonder what THAT means?
Oh hon.
I think you know what needs to be done & I'll pray for you to find the strength to do it.
(((HUGS)))
Most praying men were at one time a "non praying man"....i guess it depends on what you want out of life..are you satisfied with the status quo? If not, then you should consider making an issue of praying..it might help "clear things up" in your mind.
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