Sorry it's been so long since I've made an entry here. The new job is keeping me hopping.
You're probably wondering about the title, huh? Well, I went to a Gaither's Homecoming concert last night with my parents (Southern Gospel for those who may not be familiar with the name) and it just reminded me how very much I miss singing church music... it looked like such a joyful experience to watch the performers singing their hearts out. My religious views have changed so much these past five years that I don't know if I could perform those songs in church and not feel like a hypocrite... I'm just not sure what I believe any more and that makes me sad.
I tried to have a conversation with my agnostic husband today, but he just gets all worked up and angry and starts spouting the Chaos Theory and it depresses me even more. How in the world did we end up together???
Last weekend I watched a movie called "What the @#^&* Do We Know?", which talks about the correlations between quantum physics and God -- especially as it relates to self-fulfilling prophecies, miracles and the power of mind over matter. One of the ideas that just clicked with me was that Jesus was truly one with the Source and understood that as one who was part of the Source, he had dominion over all of its creation. I was fascinated with the depictions of neurons and cells in the body responding to the peptides created by emotions... some repairing damage and some causing it... and stunned by the depiction of the same particles of water under electron microscope before being blessed by a Holy Man and after... the chemical makeup of the water CHANGED!
Can someone like me ever return to her roots and make it work? I find myself thinking more and more of Jesus as a teacher... trying to teach his disciples that they were children of God just as he was and that if they only believed, they too could have dominion over all of creation... think of the scripture that speaks of faith as of a mustard seed causing mountains to be thrown into the sea... THIS is what the movie was all about... the power of the Source within us all to change things... if only we believe...
Well, my discretionary time is over for the day. It's back to Series 6 Exam practice for me.
I guess I'll have to leave the solving of life's great mysteries for another day.
