Tuesday, August 30, 2011

To Vet or Not to Vet

In recent conversations with my mom, I've been giving serious consideration to things that I genuinely LIKE to do. She mentioned that I should investigate some type of research field. This started me down a road that has led me to an interesting part-time gig as a Vetter.

To vet. Verb: to appraise, verify, or check for accuracy, authenticity, validity, etc.: An expert vetted the manuscript before publication.

While this particular gig will never make me rich -- hell, it may not pay a single bill -- it DOES have me thinking differently about my future. I'm hopeful for the first time in quite a long time and I'm actively engaged in the conversation of 'what if'.

Stay tuned!

Monday, August 29, 2011

The Wonder of it All

I find myself in a 'musing' mood today.  I wonder:
  • What more it would have taken for people to think Irene was a BIG DEAL?
  • Why some people feel the need to ascribe awful events to god and then assign some sort of arbitrary 'reason' for them (i.e. god's punishment for homosexuality, god trying to get politician's attention, god's retribution for a country gone astray)?
  • Why bad things happen to good people?
  • Why contents always settle during shipping?
  • Why I continue to shovel food into my mouth when I'm full.
That's all for today... I'm sure there will be more tomorrow.  The world is, after all, full of wonderous things!

Friday, August 19, 2011

What Day is it?

I woke up this morning believing that today was Thursday, August 18th.  I don't know why. Perhaps since I've been out on medical leave for nearly a month, I've ceased to truly pay attention to the calendar, but boy was I surprised to find that it's Friday.  I kept waiting for the moment of realization that comes in the midst of dreaming... thinking that, surely, this was my mind playing tricks on me.  Alas, it was not.  So, where did that whole day GO, anyway?

Thursday, August 18, 2011


I've been engaged in an internal dialogue these past few months around what I want to do with the rest of my life and what I really believe.  It's been an interesting dialogue, but one without any real conclusions.  After over a year in the job market here in Hawaii, I basically 'gave up' and went back to my financial consulting career -- kicking and screaming -- but feeling as if I needed to be making SOME contribution to the household.  Since then, I've been miserable with a capital M.

The misery has not been without its benefit though, as it has flung me head-long into the 'what do I believe' inquiry.  Life, interestingly, pointed me to a documentary called, "Why I am No Longer a Christian".  The first half of this video could have been lifted directly from my life story - including the questioning of the inerrant nature of scripture, the Old Testament God vs. the New Testament God vis-à-vis human sacrifice, murder, genocide, etc. and the punishment of hell for all non-Christians. The documentary goes on to discuss the realization that intercessory prayer is futile in the face of an omnipotent, omniscient god.  I've wrestled with all of these concepts for my entire spiritual life.  The documentarian has carried his inquiry to the gates of atheism, but I'm not prepared to go that far.  I'm not convinced that evolution is the final answer, nor am I convinced that the Big Bang created a universe as diverse and complex as ours... so I have paused in the garden of pantheism for the time being.

This still leaves me wondering what would make me want to get out of bed every morning with something other than a sense of dread for the next 20 or so years.  Not one single answer comes without strings.  One thing I have always thought I would be good at is counseling... back to school I'd go for that one.  It would be meaningful and challenging, but would not come with a 9 - 5 time clock.  Teaching is another area in which I think I could excel - but here in Hawaii, that is a precarious and ill-paying prospect.  Perhaps the question comes down to where am I willing to compromise?  Am I willing to trade time away from my husband for professional fulfillment? I don't think that would be good for our marriage.  Am I willing to suck up my pride and live as a "kept woman" for the time it takes to go back to school to become certified in a new field?  Maybe.  If only our financial footing weren't so precarious.

Some days I feel as if I've navigated an entire roller-coaster's worth of thoughts and options and decisions only to find at the end of the day, as with all roller-coasters, I'm right back where I started.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

AMERICAN IDOL - Top 8 - Movie Night

Even though it's yet to air here in Hawaii, I caught the east coast live feed. Here are my thoughts on tonight's show:

  • Paul sang(?) "Old Time Rock and Roll" by Bob Seger. To be frank, I'm over him. Move on.
  • Lauren sang "The Climb" by Miley Cyrus. It was okay... nothing spectacular. What on EARTH were the judges talking about?
  • Stefano sang "End of the Road" by Boyz II Men. Meh... it was just okay. Again, are the judges on drugs? If so, I want some of what they're having, please.
  • Scotty sang "Cross My Heart" by George Strait.  Predictable and boring... but the judges think he's the second coming...  Whaaaa????
  • Casey sang "Nature Boy" by Nat King Cole against the advice of his 'mentors'.  I think it was a good call and I ADORED his performance!  So did the judges... but, wait, they adore EVERYTHING... so never mind!  
  • Haley sang "Call Me" by Blondie.  She did a pretty good imitation of Deborah Harry for the first half and then went all screamy and pitchy at the end.  I was NOT a fan of this performance and... wait... what?  Neither were the judges?  Quick, get them another 'lude!
  • Jacob sang "Bridge Over Troubled Water" by Simon and Garfunkle after Jimmy panned both of his song choices.  He has the chops for it and did it justice.  Of course, the judges swooned over him - guess the drugs kicked back in!
  • James sang "Heavy Metal" by Sammy Hagar, against Jimmy's advice and he rocked it out.  Heavy Metal as a genre is not my thing, but at least this kid is remaining true to who he is as an artist and isn't afraid to push back.
Over-all, I would say that either Stefano or Paul will go home this week... unless America doesn't 'get' Casey's nod to Jazz.  I'm still missing Pia.  That girl has major pipes... but perhaps her being sent home will be a blessing in disguise.

Thursday, December 09, 2010

Day Nine: Party

Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans.

First, I have to say that we just don't wear socks here in Hawaii - which means that a good pedicure is a must at all times! That being said, the social gathering that had me kicking off my slippahs and kicking up my heels this year was my birthday celebration.

For most of my life, my birthday was a family affair - cake and punch at my grandmother's house. In fact, I don't recall ever having a birthday party that included anyone but family. Sweet sixteen, eighteen, twenty-one... even my fortieth came and went without so much as a tacky noise-maker or paper hat.

This year seems to have made up for it ALL! All day, I was led to believe that my then boyfriend was taking me out to dinner. Instead, I was treated to a surprise birthday party at one of my favorite spots on the island, surrounded by a dozen or so wonderful friends. But wait, there's more {in her best Ginsu knife ad voice}!

After receiving my gift - a gorgeous KORG digital piano - I noticed that champagne was being poured. Then, my sweet man called me up in front of the whole room and asked me to marry him, presenting me with a blindingly gorgeous heart-shaped diamond ring. To top it all off, as if that weren't enough, he remembered my favorite birthday cake - coconut - or haupia as it's called here in Hawaii. And while it wasn't my Nannie's coconut cake, it was beyond delicious. All-in-all, it was a perfect night.

I'm looking forward to February 5, 2011 as my top party for the coming year, as this is when I will marry the love of my life.

Wednesday, December 08, 2010

Day Eight: Beautifully Different

Beautifully different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different - you'll find they're what make you beautiful.

I've been known to burst into song at the slightest provocation... say, for instance, hearing a word that reminds me of a song or song title.

I'm also insanely curious. I simply cannot stand NOT knowing something - so if someone asks a question to which I do not know the answer, out comes the phone or computer. This will inevitably lead me on a journey of a thousand links... often getting so lost in the wealth of information, that I forget the original question that I was attempting to answer!

I have a crooked nose... or maybe it's a crooked face, as the surgeon who repaired my broken nose once informed me.

I have a crazy laugh that often leads to snorting.

I'm horribly un-photogenic, having inherited my mother's knack for having my mouth open or my face contorted into some odd shape at the precise moment that the shutter snaps.

I love dogs... all kinds of dogs... and I always talk baby talk to them... even if they're in the car three lanes over. It's what I do.

I also love to cook... but I abhor recipes... so I cook with reckless abandon, tossing in a pinch of this and a dash of that. Every once in a while, the results are disastrous... but most often, it turns out exactly as I imagined.

I'm a hopeless romantic and an even more hopeless sentimental fool. I cry at Hallmark commercials... and once, even cried over a Purina Cat food commercial. Put me in a movie theater with a film like The Notebook or Steel Magnolias and I'm a blubbering mess. But on the flip-side, I can be scathingly sarcastic.

I'm not certain that any of these things really make me DIFFERENT, they just make me who I am... and after not liking that person for a very long time, I've come to be very fond of her.