Sorry it's been so long since I've made an entry here. The new job is keeping me hopping.
You're probably wondering about the title, huh? Well, I went to a Gaither's Homecoming concert last night with my parents (Southern Gospel for those who may not be familiar with the name) and it just reminded me how very much I miss singing church music... it looked like such a joyful experience to watch the performers singing their hearts out. My religious views have changed so much these past five years that I don't know if I could perform those songs in church and not feel like a hypocrite... I'm just not sure what I believe any more and that makes me sad.
I tried to have a conversation with my agnostic husband today, but he just gets all worked up and angry and starts spouting the Chaos Theory and it depresses me even more. How in the world did we end up together???
Last weekend I watched a movie called "What the @#^&* Do We Know?", which talks about the correlations between quantum physics and God -- especially as it relates to self-fulfilling prophecies, miracles and the power of mind over matter. One of the ideas that just clicked with me was that Jesus was truly one with the Source and understood that as one who was part of the Source, he had dominion over all of its creation. I was fascinated with the depictions of neurons and cells in the body responding to the peptides created by emotions... some repairing damage and some causing it... and stunned by the depiction of the same particles of water under electron microscope before being blessed by a Holy Man and after... the chemical makeup of the water CHANGED!
Can someone like me ever return to her roots and make it work? I find myself thinking more and more of Jesus as a teacher... trying to teach his disciples that they were children of God just as he was and that if they only believed, they too could have dominion over all of creation... think of the scripture that speaks of faith as of a mustard seed causing mountains to be thrown into the sea... THIS is what the movie was all about... the power of the Source within us all to change things... if only we believe...
Well, my discretionary time is over for the day. It's back to Series 6 Exam practice for me.
I guess I'll have to leave the solving of life's great mysteries for another day.
6 comments:
Hi Lauren...
I LOVE the Gaithers..:o)
I read a lot of confusion between the lines of your blog....just want you to know I've been there and like to think that I figured it out......I'm here if you ever want to *talk* about it!
(((hugs))
Robin
I am so glad to see you posting an entry Lauren! I know you've been super busy with the new job and I hope it's going well.
I really liked this post. I am in a religious quandry right now. I don't know which way to go and I'm trying to sort it out. I feel like I need to turn over my turmoil to someone else but I don't know how to go about it.
The singing group sounds awesome and I think Gospel is a joy to listen to (and sing if anyone doesn't mind my horrible voice!)
Hey Lauren! Good to see you posting! I think I have seen every Gaither video...both my parents and ILs are addicts...very inspirational to me too...
You know me, I couldn't leave this post alone. It sounds like you are on a journey. I went through several years in my life questioning all my beliefs, laying them all out there and now, I hold them more dearly than ever. Enjoy your journey, ask the tough questions, and whatever you do, don't ever think it is too late.
As for being a hypocrit, I say, "sing away". That is one of the ways I came to my answers, emotionally experiencing things from God that solidified what I believe. Music brings on so much emotion that can open new doors of understanding. ANd I also believe that God accepts us as we are, questions and all...
Good to talk to you... miss you tons and know you are in my thoughts...
I've been thinking alot about "faith" lately. Due, in part, to some tragedy in my life, I am unsure about my faith. I was watching alot of the coverage of the Popes funeral and watching the expressions on the faces of those attending I really envied them all their faith. What a comfort it must be to believe in something so completely. I "think" I want that.
Lauren, are you having trouble putting science and Faith together? or is it something more? For me, Faith tells me that God made science possible. God gave us the ability to use the knowledge. I went through a period where I was sure I was Agnostic, and in the past 4 years, came back to church, and honestly, participate much more than I did when I was a kid. If your struggle is something different, then my comment is meaningless.
Oh, I agree with Tammy, if you like it, sing away. God does accept us as we are.
Sara... no, not so much... it's more of an issue of reconciling a benevolent God with tragedy and suffering -- even that of "His children." I'm not a big fan of the story of Job... it just seems mean and petty... like a sadistic puppeteer.
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