Nostalgia

The past several weeks, I have been sorting through all of the photos and memorabilia from my life and trying to organize it all into photo albums and scrapbooks.  Today, I got to the scrapbook part... as I sat knee deep in old report cards and growth charts the thought came to me, "who cares?"  Literally?  Who cares?  Other than me and, perhaps my boyfriend (for the first perusal), who will EVER care about the things that happened in my life?  I think about my mom's albums and scrapbooks and trip logs and I know that my brother and I - and perhaps my nieces - will page through them wistfully when she is gone. It's at times like these that the footprint of your life comes into focus.  Without anyone to carry on after you -- without children -- your life (at least the silly scrapbook moments) don't really mean a thing.  These photographs and snipets of my years on this planet will be one more thing to be disposed of... one more item on the list of "what do we do with THESE?"  Cheering letters, pageant crowns, roses pressed in wax paper... love notes, playbills and theatrical reviews... Maybe I should plan for a Viking Funeral... load all of this up with me on a pyre, set it all aflame and send me out to sea... That's easier to think about than the alternative:  my final contribution to America's landfills.

Company cars and carotid arteries...

On Friday I was informed that I must return my company car.  Yesterday I was informed that my mother has the carotid arteries of an 80 year old at age 68.  How does this complicate my life?  Let me count the ways.

First, I had a really nice, neat plan for moving to Hawaii at the end of December to be with the love of my life.  The return of the company car presents a major problem, since I sold my personal vehicle back in June.  What do I drive until I leave for Hawaii?  Beyond the driving part - what does this move say about my position with the company?  Rumor has it that the management program will be completely restructured AND the number of managers reduced by 33%, virtually eliminating any promotion opportunities I might have had. 

But back to the driving part... do you have any idea how expensive it is to rent a car for a month?  Even an economy car at discounted corporate rates would run me over $600 per month - times three months and there goes my budget!  I could buy a beater for about the same price -- just something to get me around town -- but then I'd have to sell it before I leave and who has time for THAT in the midst of liquidating an entire household?  Yet another alternative is to buy a new car and then ship it to Hawaii, but my research indicates that doesn't make good fiscal sense.  While the destination charges and excise taxes in Hawaii are significant, they don't offset the cost of shipping the vehicle and, in fact, I could buy a Toyota cheaper there than here on the mainland.

This is a complication that I just wasn't prepared for. Part of me wants to tell the company to stick it where the sun don't shine, resign and move to Hawaii tomorrow and I actually gave that some consideration.  There are three mitigating factors to that decision:

1. It's probably not too healthy for my career to up and walk away with my numbers being as bad as they are
2. When one adds in the new wrinkle of my mom's health, it has me thinking about Thanksgiving and Christmas and getting all fatalistic.
3. It still leaves Caleb smack-dab in the middle of the 120 day quarantine, which would mean having someone else care for him for 90 days -- including his 14 day health screening at the vet, getting his tranquilizers and putting him on a plane January 1st.  That's a lot to ask of anyone... including family.

So, here I sit this morning thinking about carodit arteries and company cars and wondering what the hell I can do about either one.

Hawaii

***I started this post a week ago and am just now getting back to my blog***

On Friday I found out that my office was actually going to be closed for Labor Day -- a holiday not typically celebrated by insurance agents due to the high volume of accidents and claims. That set my mind to racing with thoughts of seeing my baby... just jumping on a jet and showing up at his door. Not quite taking things THAT far, I asked what he thought and he seemed to be game for the adventure, so I started checking prices. Flying out Friday night was outrageously expensive, but a Saturday morning flight with a Monday night return was actually pretty feasible... so, after a little hesitation I clicked "BOOK IT" and, I think, shocked the shit out of him!

After 14 hours of travelling, I arrived at the airport in Honolulu... and there he stood at the bottom of the escalator -- a beautiful lei in hand and a big grin on his face. Being in his arms again was the best feeling ever. Since he has become a reader of my blog, I don't want to praise his skills too much -- it might go to his head. Suffice it to say that he rocks my world.

There was a fire on the island that had the roads knotted and traffic gnarled, so we spent hours making the drive to his place. Dealing with traffic is not his forte, I'm afraid, but that's okay. When we arrived, his dog, Kala was sitting at the front door waiting for us -- seems she had escaped from the back yard -- again. She is just adorable and we became fast friends, with her taking up residence on my lap nearly the instant that I sat down. I had hoped to meet his son, but as it turned out, his mom was on island and had come to get him for the weekend. While I was disappointed, I was also a little relieved that we would have some time alone.

Our weekend together was quiet and relaxed and we enjoyed each other's company. There was a sense of belonging that came over me that was sweet and calming. When I'm with him, I just know that everything is going to be all right.

Saying goodbye at the end of our 48 hours was tough and the flight home was a nightmare, but it was worth every penny and every hour - sleepless though they were. Since then, he has read this entire blog -- and DIDN'T run screaming into the night. He has also witnessed a complete and total meltdown about babies, bless his heart. Interesting thing: he still loves me. Wow.

So, today I will work in my office and do some sorting and cleaning. I see no need to put things away just to pack them again in December, so I'll down-size some more and start packing my "Hawaii" boxes instead. I can't wait to wake up in that tiny condo beside my baby and gaze out our window at this gorgeous view... to be together every day... and every night. I can't wait for Hawaii to be home.