Tonight we went out to dinner. Even in the aftermath of a migraine, I ended up driving so that he could play with my new Christmas toy -- a GPS unit. We arrived at the restaurant and sat down... ordered drinks and after a couple of stilted attempts at conversation, resigned ourselves to the occasional comment about the food, service or cranky children sitting behind us. It was sad to think that after 7 years of marriage I couldn't come up with one single thing to talk about. I listened to the conversations around us and felt awkward and uncomfortable in our silence.
We came home and I picked Dirty Dancing -- my favorite bad movie in all the world -- as our "movie of the night" and he promptly fell asleep. As I watched the sweet love story unfold, I sat and cried... not because the movie was sad, but because I am so incredibly unhappy.
He's now gone up to his new office where he's been sleeping every night on the giant sack chair I got him for Christmas and I wonder what the hell we're doing and why.
I've cancelled my vacation for next week. I just couldn't imagine an entire week alone with him. We are truly strangers now and it breaks my heart.
4 comments:
((HUGS)) Lauren. I'm so sorry hon.
(((HUGS)))
I'm sorry to read that 2007, is ending with unhappiness. May 2008, bring you the strength you need, to do whatever it is, to make YOU happy.
Nancy
I'm adding my hugs, as Jules and Nancy have pretty much said it all.
((((Gentlest of Hugs)))))
sounds like your relationship is "on the brink"... it takes both of you to fix, otherwise it is unfixable. Is there enough of that original love that you had for him still there to try? You say you have nothing to talk about...thats something you both would have to work on.. if you were both interested, getting involved in a charitable project together would be helpful. I dont recommend the divorce route unless the situation is unbearable and he is not willing to work on the relationship.... May you feel Gods love as you work through this..
Post a Comment