This morning I'm reminded of the Serenity Prayer:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
I'm stuck on the middle one this weekend. I know I need to have the talk, but instead, I'm burying myself in housework -- a legitimate endeavor -- but an act of avoidance in this instance. I'm not even sure what to say.
"It's been nice knowing you these past nine years, but I'm over it and I'm ready to move on."
"You know, I'm really a pretty sucky wife when you think about it -- you'd be better off without me!"
Or, I could sing "Big Girls Don't Cry" to him and see if he gets it.
But I guess the best thing would be straight-forward honesty: I'm really unhappy and I want a divorce.
I have so many fears surrounding the fall-out from this. You see, I'll be getting in my car tomorrow and heading out of town for the entire week -- again. I have no clue what I'd come home to or if my baby boy (or my house, car and money) would be here when I got back. Perhaps I should wait until I have more ducks in a row and for a time when I'll be here to manage the fall-out and protect my furry son from being whisked away and my assets from being ransacked and pillaged.
See, I've talked myself right out of having the talk. Instead, I'll continue to get the house ready to sell, continue to move and protect assets, and continue to plan my move.
Yeah, that's the ticket... stay tuned.
5 comments:
Thinking about you during this hard time, Lauren... Sending you all the strength vibes I can!!!
Send the dog and car to your Mom's (or other safe haven), freeze your accounts, then go off to work. The house is insured.....that's the least of your worries.
Lauren, I wish you peace and happiness that you DESERVE.
Nancy
What Nancy said...and we'll keep you in our thoughts and prayers.
((HUGS)) hon. You'll be SO glad when you're in motion FORWARD.
Jules
Thanks for the support, ladies. As for the pup, Mom and dad live too close and I don't want to get them in the middle. I've identified another safe haven in Richmond -- one of my colleagues who also has dogs. I just have to take Caleb up there to see if they get along first.
I'm laying the plan... but want to make sure I have all of my i's dotted and t's crossed.
P.S. There's also a Doggie daycare less than a mile from the condo I've picked out (put down earnest money on it today).
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