Watching holiday classics...
Crying over silly mother-daughter films...
Being disappointed yet again by a man who does not understand me...
Mourning my baby, who would have been four this year...
It's Christmas once more and, although I am winning every promotion and qualifying for every trip it just feels empty... and even though it feels empty, I yearn for solitude -- without him -- just me and my baby boy... you know, the one with four paws and brown spots. Yet, being without one may cause me to be without the other and the mere thought of that reduces me to tears.
So, I work...
I hide from my feelings...
I try to pretend that the accolades and applause are enough...
Will any of it EVER be enough?
4 comments:
I've been thinking about you alot.
Many gentle hugs.
Ah sweet Lauren... I think of you often and send you strength. When I read about A and how things are with the two of you, I cant but think how very much alike our dh's are but you have the strength to do something about it. I am in awe of you.
Lauren, I've really missed you here and on the Over 35 board. I'm glad to read an update, even if things aren't so different than before. I'm sorry about A and about your sweet boy who would have been 4. Henry would have been six this year... It doesn't get easier in some respects but I think we more and more learn how to create our own happiness. Wherever that takes us. Many hugs
Thank you, my dear friends. I'm sorry I've been so absent from our boards and blogs. Work has been insane! Just recently, though, I've figured out how to turn off the proxy server on my laptop so I can go wherever I choose on the WWW. Expect to see and hear more from me in '09! Luv ya! Mean it!
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