I admit it. I cannot stand not being in control of my own future. I'm sitting here waiting for my company to decide whether or not I have a job and wondering when the hell some one's going to tell me when it's all going down! Rumors are flying around -- everything from "it's over" to "you'll have through the end of the year." I'm leaning more toward the former, not the latter. Too many things are lining up for me to think that the picture is rosy. I went out to our intranet to download my job requirements and measurement standards for the coming year, as I have my review and planning meeting this Tuesday -- it's gone. Poof. Disappeared since last weekend. The job I've been studying for -- nose to the grindstone -- for weeks is GONE. Poof. Disappeared since last weekend.
THE HANDWRITING IS ON THE WALL AND IT'S BECOMING CLEARER BY THE DAY.
I'm finding it increasingly difficult to concentrate either on the studying or on the performance of my duties with the axe waving somewhere overhead. I've called everyone I know to call. My boss keeps telling me that no one will want to let me go because... blah, blah, blah... but if NO ONE has the budget money to keep me, it doesn't matter how freaking amazing I am, I'm GONE. G - O - N - E. I finally broke down and started posting for internal positions -- but the rumor mill says that the BIG announcement is coming on Wednesday -- so there will be 66 of us, all vying for 4 positions country-wide. All I can say is that I hope like hell I finished in the top three in the country! I was number 6 at the end of November, before we made and exceeded our plan.
Someone put me out of my misery, PLEASE! I need details... I need to know what's coming... I simply cannot abide the unknown! I guess that makes me a control freak. So be it. I've been called worse!
2 comments:
Having been laid off twice, and faced the rumor mill that preceded it twice, I can tell you that it does suck, particularly when you are a control freak, and particularly when all other parts of your life are in flux.
The fact is, whether you get to keep your job or not, LIFE GOES ON. It really does. I think it's harder when your job defines who you are, or represents freedom from your husband if you ever choose to leave him. (And I must say, from one control freak to another, I don't know how you live with the uncertainty of when to end your marriage...you can always get another job AND another husband if you want one, LOL), but hanging on to him when you could get another, much less volatile renter seems a little impossible for one's mental state. But hey, I'm just sayin...
Anyway...I am thinking of you and hoping for the best. :)
Jules
Jules, thanks for the pep talk.
I've been laid off twice myself - but the rumor mill has never churned for THIS long of a time. Usually, you hear the distant sound of hooves and within a couple of weeks the horses show up and drag off the corpses. This has been dragging on since I got back from New Orleans!
On the spouse side, I'm just trying to deal with one thing at a time. If I get the job "up north" then the transition will be simple: "I'm moving to Maryland and you won't be joining me. You have XX days to figure out a game plan." I simply cannot deal with the tantrum that would most assuredly happen if I broke the news to him now. I need to have some other things taken care of first.
As for ever having another one... (spouse that is) well, that's doubtful! LOL
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