There has been a secret room in my heart since the day that my innocent view of love was destroyed. In that room, I kept my insecurities, my vulnerabilities and hid the scars and bruises of abuse and rejection. For years, I have kept the Secret Room locked... I've peeked through the keyhole from time to time, to make sure everything was safe and sound in there, but left its contents undisturbed, save to toss in a new hurt from time to time. I have always maintained the "Keep Out" sign on the door to that room and, while I have loved, I have not done so completely and while I have been loved, I have not fully given myself to that love.
Two weeks ago, that all began to change. God, sensing that the Secret Room was ready to be emptied, sent a dear, sweet man back into my life. This man has loved me since we were children and gave himself to me some twenty-five years ago -- shortly after the Secret Room came into being. When I looked at him then, I saw pure adoration in his eyes -- a love I did not feel I deserved -- and I pushed him away. I thought that surely if he saw all of the things locked away in that room, his eyes would turn cold and I couldn't bear that thought.
I now find myself standing at the door to the Secret Room -- key in hand -- nervous, yet knowing at the very core of who I am that this room no longer serves a purpose. I find myself wishing... longing... to stand before this man - exposed - unashamed - because I know and trust that each bruise will disappear, each scar will be kissed away and each insecurity will be erased with the strength of his love for me. I pray only that I can love him with the same unconditional love he has shown me... always.
1 comment:
Saying good luck is not what you need. I give you courage and hope. I know what you mean about the secret room, since I have one too and have kept it securely locked and hidden. No one knows it is there.
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