In an effort to reach a zen-like state and enhance my life experience, I have recently taken up meditation. The type of meditation I'm practicing (and I mean practicing, because I sure as hell haven't mastered it yet) is called Jappa meditation and it relies on sound to bring you into harmony with the universal energy. The sound for the morning meditation is "Ah". It is the sound of creation/pro-creation and manifestation. As pointed out by the instructor, the sound "ah" is a part of many of the different names for God, Allah, Buddah, Jehovah, etc. I do well for the first few minutes -- other than my obsession with matching the pitch of the man on the CD -- then, I find that I start to think about a zillion different things.
"Ahhhhhhhhhh... is my first appointment at 9 or 10? if it's at nine, I'd better cut this short and hop in the shower."
"Ahhhhhhhhhhh... (affirmation - I am unlimited in my wealth -- all areas of my life are abundant and fulfilling)... I wonder when that case is going to be released for payment... I really need a check next week. Dang it -- concentrate, Lauren!"
"Ahhhhhhhhhh... I am as successful as I make up my mind to be... I wonder if this stuff really works...
"Ahhhhhhhhhh... CRAP! I forgot to take the dog out -- I hope he hasn't peed on the carpet. Come on, Lauren, FOCUS, FOCUS!!!"
"Ahhhhhhhhh... hell, just forget it. I'm too ADD for this stuff!"
The nighttime meditation is working better... it's based on the "Ommmmm" sound... as in Shalom... or Peace. I actually manage to fall asleep doing this meditation. Somehow, I have the feeling I'm going to be a very peaceful person vibrating at odds with the universe and never fully manifesting the divine being that I am. Ah, well, that's life!
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Blogger's Block
Sorry to have been away for so long, my faithful few! I must admit to staring quite blankly at the screen on several occasions thinking, "surely no one wants to hear these banal musings." I'm not entirely convinced that today's post is worth the bandwidth required to post it; however, I've determined that the only way to break through the block is to just DO IT!
Since last I posted, I have been cast in a dinner theatre show. It's small-time... mostly choral music with some solos and skits thrown in for good measure... and is being done as a fund-raiser for my choir's trip to Germany next year. I'm doing a couple of solos, a trio and a quartet. It's fun... and it's invigorating. I'd forgotten what a sense of wellbeing I get from being involved in creative endeavors -- especially where music is involved. I have to admit to a bit of nostalgic longing creeping in around the edges as well. I know there's no use in "if only, woulda, coulda, shoulda" talk, but I can't help but think what my life might have been had I taken the plunge and gone to New York against my mother's dire warnings of what the city would do to me. ("If you go to New York, they will CHEW you up and SPIT you out.") No good can come of these thoughts... so I try to banish them as soon as they appear.
At work, I closed my first quarter well short of my goal -- there will be no trip for me (at least not this quarter). I'm still working to hit the second quarter goal, but I'll have to practically triple my production. I'd much rather rehearse my music!
On the homefront, I'm planning some landscaping work for the spring -- if I can ever get the blinkin' contractors to return my calls. I have an appointment to have two trees removed and three others heavily pruned. Then, the back yard will be re-graded to alleviate the flooding problem and then a fence will go up. That should pretty well exhaust my home improvement budget for this year. Next year, I'll work on beautification!
Cheese and crackers, this is boring stuff!
Since last I posted, I have been cast in a dinner theatre show. It's small-time... mostly choral music with some solos and skits thrown in for good measure... and is being done as a fund-raiser for my choir's trip to Germany next year. I'm doing a couple of solos, a trio and a quartet. It's fun... and it's invigorating. I'd forgotten what a sense of wellbeing I get from being involved in creative endeavors -- especially where music is involved. I have to admit to a bit of nostalgic longing creeping in around the edges as well. I know there's no use in "if only, woulda, coulda, shoulda" talk, but I can't help but think what my life might have been had I taken the plunge and gone to New York against my mother's dire warnings of what the city would do to me. ("If you go to New York, they will CHEW you up and SPIT you out.") No good can come of these thoughts... so I try to banish them as soon as they appear.
At work, I closed my first quarter well short of my goal -- there will be no trip for me (at least not this quarter). I'm still working to hit the second quarter goal, but I'll have to practically triple my production. I'd much rather rehearse my music!
On the homefront, I'm planning some landscaping work for the spring -- if I can ever get the blinkin' contractors to return my calls. I have an appointment to have two trees removed and three others heavily pruned. Then, the back yard will be re-graded to alleviate the flooding problem and then a fence will go up. That should pretty well exhaust my home improvement budget for this year. Next year, I'll work on beautification!
Cheese and crackers, this is boring stuff!
Sunday, March 12, 2006
Where's Paul Harvey when you need him?
I ask this because I (like my cyber-friend Kim) want to know the rest of the story on this Ports deal. It is a heaping pile of fertilizer that gives off a pungent odor, if you ask me.
I don't usually go on about politics on my site -- I have readers from both sides of the aisle -- some with very strong opinions I don't happen to share and I hate to argue! It's like my grandpa used to say, "never discuss politics or religion in polite company -- it's a sure-fire way to end friendships." This, however, has me feeling sick to my stomach. I have this sinking, gnawing feeling in my gut that this proposed deal is inextricably tied to the escalating nuclear "crisis" in Iran. If I didn't know better (do I know better?) I'd say that GW is trying to buy us an ally in the region so he can be properly positioned to strike when the time comes (and I believe the time IS coming... the war mongers are already beating their chests and making threats).
If this administration gets us into another conflict, I'm afraid I might just join the ranks of those with whom I've rarely agreed before and call for an impeachment hearing. We, the mighty Americans, who have weapons of mass destruction at our disposal... the ONLY nation that has ever used them against an enemy... we, the mighty, get to decide what free nations can do within their own borders, for their own protection? How is that fostering Democracy? And is it worth American lives to simply delay the inevitable? If a nation wants to develop these weapons, they'll figure out a way... be it now or AFTER we've blown up their cities and killed their families. Hmmm... I think they'd be more dangerous AFTER, don't you?
I don't usually go on about politics on my site -- I have readers from both sides of the aisle -- some with very strong opinions I don't happen to share and I hate to argue! It's like my grandpa used to say, "never discuss politics or religion in polite company -- it's a sure-fire way to end friendships." This, however, has me feeling sick to my stomach. I have this sinking, gnawing feeling in my gut that this proposed deal is inextricably tied to the escalating nuclear "crisis" in Iran. If I didn't know better (do I know better?) I'd say that GW is trying to buy us an ally in the region so he can be properly positioned to strike when the time comes (and I believe the time IS coming... the war mongers are already beating their chests and making threats).
If this administration gets us into another conflict, I'm afraid I might just join the ranks of those with whom I've rarely agreed before and call for an impeachment hearing. We, the mighty Americans, who have weapons of mass destruction at our disposal... the ONLY nation that has ever used them against an enemy... we, the mighty, get to decide what free nations can do within their own borders, for their own protection? How is that fostering Democracy? And is it worth American lives to simply delay the inevitable? If a nation wants to develop these weapons, they'll figure out a way... be it now or AFTER we've blown up their cities and killed their families. Hmmm... I think they'd be more dangerous AFTER, don't you?
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Can of Worms
Yesterday, I opened a can of worms. It was not my intent to open a can of worms... I don't particularly like worms in cans... I think they belong in the ground, tilling the soil and doing what worms do... but however inadvertently, open a can of worms I did.I was having a conversation with a customer in his late-40's who seemed to feel that his $80k per year salary could be replaced with a $150,000 life insurance policy if he died. In trying to get him to understand that we are none promised a tomorrow, I mentioned the untimely death of Dana Reeve. The sermon that ensued set me back on my heels and I was so stunned that I could hardly speak.
Customer: "Well, I have religious issues with her and that husband of hers. The fact that they want to take stem cells from embryos and practically grow them as a crop to be harvested is just wrong" and on and on and on he went about the "evil" that Dana and Christopher perpetrated.
It sounded to my ears almost as if he was saying that the reason they both died was because of their beliefs about embryonic stem cell research. Surely that cannot be? Surely there are not people in this world who believe that God metes out a death sentence to those who dare push the bounds of science in an effort to save and restore lives.
Now, far be it from me to get into the bio-ethics of a concept so complicated -- that's not my intent here. I just never thought that in the course of doing business I would come face to face with such vehement, vitriolic "stuff" -- and this from a self-professed "man of God."
I guess I should consider the source, as this came from a man who referred to the prospectus for his funds as a precipitous.
Friday, March 03, 2006
Women
Overheard in a restaurant... (woman in her 60's talking to younger woman in her 40's):
"There are days when my husband is the perfect justification for why there are lesbians in this world."
I chuckled to myself when I heard this... and then I thought about it... and it made me wonder...
My best friends have always been gay men. I've never particularly gotten along with women -- especially groups of women -- whom I usually find to be petty, small and boring -- so that would seem to exclude me as a lesbian from the get-go. My most engaging and interesting relationships have been with my single female friends, gay men and older women whose children are grown and gone -- women who have outside interests like theatre, music and intellectual pursuits. Perhaps because I am childless, I am at a disadvantage with most women my age who talk about their kids ad nauseum and complain about their husbands daily. Neither subject interests me in the least.
But back to the lesbian thing... I notice that more often than not I am drawn to the female form. A recent example is this season's Dancing With the Stars -- I was completely enamored of Stacy Keibler and couldn't have given a rat's (*) about any of the men -- even the professional dancers. I remember watching Cider House Rules and saying out loud for my soon-to-be-ex to hear, "That is the most exquisite female body I have ever seen" as a nude Charlize Theron stretched out across the bed.
Maybe my newly acquired single status is getting to me... maybe I've had enough disappointments with straight men to last a lifetime... maybe it's nothing and maybe I'm just a well-adjusted hetero who is secure enough to appreciate beauty when she sees it... but I remember well the night in college when my best friend and I -- a little drunk and a little curious -- left the bar and headed back to the dorm where we pushed together two twin beds. Had she not had a serious boyfriend at the time, I think that something might actually have happened beyond passing out in each others' arms. I loved her -- that's for sure -- I still do -- I always will -- but she's one of my dearest friends, married with seven kids.
I know this is probably a shocking revelation for some of you who've known me on the "Trying to Conceive" and "TTC after miscarriage" boards. I don't know if there's anything to it... the statement just got me thinking. Tomorrow I'll probably be done with the inquiry. I have to say, however, that there's still something about a nice, hard... well... never mind (blush).
"There are days when my husband is the perfect justification for why there are lesbians in this world."
I chuckled to myself when I heard this... and then I thought about it... and it made me wonder...
My best friends have always been gay men. I've never particularly gotten along with women -- especially groups of women -- whom I usually find to be petty, small and boring -- so that would seem to exclude me as a lesbian from the get-go. My most engaging and interesting relationships have been with my single female friends, gay men and older women whose children are grown and gone -- women who have outside interests like theatre, music and intellectual pursuits. Perhaps because I am childless, I am at a disadvantage with most women my age who talk about their kids ad nauseum and complain about their husbands daily. Neither subject interests me in the least.
But back to the lesbian thing... I notice that more often than not I am drawn to the female form. A recent example is this season's Dancing With the Stars -- I was completely enamored of Stacy Keibler and couldn't have given a rat's (*) about any of the men -- even the professional dancers. I remember watching Cider House Rules and saying out loud for my soon-to-be-ex to hear, "That is the most exquisite female body I have ever seen" as a nude Charlize Theron stretched out across the bed.
Maybe my newly acquired single status is getting to me... maybe I've had enough disappointments with straight men to last a lifetime... maybe it's nothing and maybe I'm just a well-adjusted hetero who is secure enough to appreciate beauty when she sees it... but I remember well the night in college when my best friend and I -- a little drunk and a little curious -- left the bar and headed back to the dorm where we pushed together two twin beds. Had she not had a serious boyfriend at the time, I think that something might actually have happened beyond passing out in each others' arms. I loved her -- that's for sure -- I still do -- I always will -- but she's one of my dearest friends, married with seven kids.
I know this is probably a shocking revelation for some of you who've known me on the "Trying to Conceive" and "TTC after miscarriage" boards. I don't know if there's anything to it... the statement just got me thinking. Tomorrow I'll probably be done with the inquiry. I have to say, however, that there's still something about a nice, hard... well... never mind (blush).
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