Call me a glutton for punishment. Call me an idiot. Call me wishy-washy or even down-right insane. All of these would probably be true today. "A" invited me to dinner last night -- so I went. The food was great, the company was pleasant and the evening reminded me of some of our better days together when we were living in Austin.
As the evening drew to a close, he kind of invited himself to stay the night. Although there was no sex (Ron), we did sleep together. My thinking was that he would be as miserable as I was and thus see the sense in us continuing to maintain our separate homes. The night WAS miserable, but this morning he was ready to start looking for a home together. I finally had to tell him that I'm NOT on board with that idea. I felt so trapped last night... uncomfortable... my space invaded and my lovely, quiet existence disturbed. He's pushing me and I don't like it. I know that I need to make a stand once and for all. I can't let things keep dragging on like this.
The thing is, I know that he loves me -- if he didn't there's no way he would put up with the emotional roller coaster I've had him on this past year -- but I know too that the moment he's won me over, he'll turn right back into the man I cannot stand to be with.
Go ahead, "idiot, glutton for punishment, wishy-washy, insane!" It's nothing I haven't said to myself at least a hundred times already this morning.
2 comments:
quit beating yourself up. Maybe
you need to make a decision, maybe
you are just making sure those feelings are truly dead. Patience is a virtue (i think i've read that somewhere).
Ron Upfromthegutter
You can't depend on someone to make the decision you need to make. The one that makes YOU happy, whole, a better person. A leopard doesn't change HIS spots, and it's very easy for anyone to fall back into the routine of familarity, and all the bad habits that come with.
We have friends over at PALP, who's men haven't changed, when they thought they would.....((((HUGS))))
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