Since sharing my new love with friends and family I've been struck by the assortment of reactions I've received. They've ranged from incredulity to elation. What surprises me most is that the people I thought would be happiest for me -- the ones who've watched me wallow in the pits of miry clay, who've seen the tears, witnessed the disappointment and finally the resignation -- have nothing but warnings and doubts.
The past ten... no, make that fifteen years of my life have been filled with betrayal, disappointment, deception and despair. Why then, when happiness finally comes my way, must the nay-sayers try to steal that from me? I want to think that they have my best interest at heart, but part of me wonders... especially about my mother... Somehow, I think that nothing I ever do will be good enough for her. Damn - I'm 44 years old and still she can get to me with the tone of voice, the "well, you know, you never... or you always..." Sorry, mom. You don't get to steal THIS joy.
On the flip side, I have a dear friend who is as giddy as a school girl for me. As for me... I have hope for the first time in a long time... hope that love really does exist... hope that someone will love me... just little old me... just as I am... hope that it CAN be forever... hope - no, BELIEF, that I have finally found what's been missing in my life... who's been missing from my life... My love, my heart...
5 comments:
I'm so glad to read you are happy! It's something we all want in life, to be happy, and you've had more than your fair share of angst.
I know my voice of caution comes from past experiences (of my own), in various forms, in the game of life. Unfortunately, this 44yr old has become a cynic...and I never was before!
May the sun continue to shine and give you the happiness you DESERVE after all these years of clouds! ((((HUGS))))
Well I for one am elated and excited to follow your romance! You go girl!!!!!!
One would have thought that I would be the world's BIGGEST cynic after my relationship history... but seeing JJ -- hell, just hearing his voice -- wiped all of that away. Amazing, but true. Thanks for your love and concern ladies.
As someone who found her first love and married him (10 years next year!) after a previous rotten marriage and divorce, I can tell you I'm not only THRILLED for you, but assure you that you KNOW what you KNOW, and you deserve to be happy!
The best thing about an old love is they knew you when you were younger, that even though you need to get to know each other on a practical level, they understand your SOUL, and you can trust them because they have a history with you.
Best of luck my friend. I'm sure those who don't understand just haven't been there, or just think that the conventional wisdom of waiting to re-commit after getting out of an old relationship are words to live by, rather than a convention that doesn't need to be followed EVERY time!
And P.S...Brian and I managed to move for each other a couple of times, and it's all worked out.
Good luck hon! ((HUGS))
Jules
As a mom, I can kind of see where YOUR mom is coming from. If my daughter has 15 years of "betrayal, disappointment, deception and despair" I'd want her to be cautious too because those would have been 15 years of betrayal, disappointment, deception and despair for me too.
As your friend, I know that YOU know your own heart better than anyone so I'm just happy for you.
Besides, I've been the recipient of such doubt myself you know, with 3 husbands under my belt :-)
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