Do you ever have days when you just feel blue? When there's nothing particularly wrong... but nothing particularly right either... I have two offers of things to do this evening -- attending a concert (in which I SHOULD be singing, but couldn't bring myself to make the rehearsals) or going to dinner and a movie with a friend. Neither one sounds appealing to me at the moment.
There are days when I wish I could be a dog... sleep, eat and chase a few balls (okay, that sounds a bit risque)... no worries about mortgages or sales goals or surgery or pain... nothing whatsoever to think about but 'where's my favorite chew toy?'
I am really, really hating being without a partner in life right now... with a partner, the weight wouldn't be so heavy... a bad month wouldn't put me in the humiliating position of borrowing money from my mom or force me to choose between physical therapy and groceries.
(whine, whine, whine... how fricking pathetic)
5 comments:
being single has its downsides doesn't it? some days its a downright bummer. but being stuck with the wrong person isn't any better. hang in there, things will get better..at least we hope they will.
I'm sorry you're having such a rough time, Lauren. I can sure relate. (((HUGS)))
I understand wanting someone to come home to, as I've been divorced myself and felt the loneliness that comes with suddenly finding oneself alone...
But during those times I kept reminding myself of what was missing about the relationship I was finally free from -- the verbal abuse, the drinking, the whole thing. And then I pointed myself in the direction of healing so I could find a new person who was worthy of my loyalty and love.
I know it's hard to have to ask for help, but selling out for financial security I KNOW is not what you're about either.
I DO hope and pray that your needs will be met with as little Mom involvement as is necessary, but considering the alternative (get in touch with your inner b*tch here and really think about what that would mean)...I'm holding out for you to find a life partner who will be there in every way -- not just financial.
Big hugs to you sweetie. You know I've been there.
Jules
How's it been yesterday and today? Getting better?
I have different problems (depression, sleep apnea), but I can relate in part.
Enjoy your blog and your life of variety!!
(((((((((Lauren)))))))) Hope you feel better and get some relief soon.
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