For the past eight months, I've been operating under the premise that I would sell my house next Fall and move into a condominium. There is some work that needs to be done to my house in order to get top dollar for it -- it is in need of some serious landscaping, the 1960's bathroom fixtures need to be replaced and the kitchen needs to be renovated. I was fairly content with my plan, until my mom mentioned that I could just hire a lawn service for the same price as a condo fee, upgrade the house to suit my fancy and just stay put (which just happens to be about 25 steps from their front door).
The concept has bugged me... simmered in my brain... made me question myself... made me wonder at her motives... made me wonder at mine. It's been disturbing... it's made me cranky... and as I write this today, I realize that I've had enough! For once in my life, I'm going to do what I want to do -- on my timeline and on my terms. I'm going to hire a contractor to do the bathrooms and kitchen -- hire a landscaper to do the yard and put up the fence and then I'M GOING TO MOVE AWAY FROM MY MOTHER!!! Don't you think 41 is plenty old to be out on my own!?!
We have the most complex relationship on the planet. I love my mother dearly. I consider her a good friend and a staunch supporter. Yet there's this thing between us that I can't quite define. Often, I feel like I'm suffocating and I just want to get as far away from her as I can. Then, something will happen in my life and she's the first person I want to call. I'm struggling with the church thing right now. I had been thinking of joining one of the small groups -- I talked to the host family and planned to start going in the Fall. Then, mom decided she wanted to go to that small group also and I felt violated... I wanted to have something that was just mine. I've found myself avoiding church all together... avoiding choir practice. Geeze-o-pete, I just need to get a life! (preferably one that doesn't involve my mother at every single turn) As Kahlil Gibran said, "let there be spaces in your togetherness"
I think I need more space and less togetherness. A condo it is!
4 comments:
a "small group" with your mom in it...THATS RICH! thanks for the laugh.
sadly, moving doesn't always cut those strings ... 40, living on my own for quite some time, and still my mother has this perturbing habit of conjuring up the 14 year old girl in me ... emotionally is a real trip. thanks for the post ... and, I too wish to be a 40s torch singer!
-d
I love my mother dearly, and like you, have turned to her when things have gotten rough in life.
But as you know, a healthy relationship is a two-way street, one that doesn't involve being reduced to feeling like you're 14, or being otherwise controlled in any way. It's a toxic mix that ends up poisoning other intimate relationships.
This is not to say to just blame Mom for everything, but I'm with you. I say "GO CONDO". And preferably in another state, and not just one of those little teeny East Coast states either. I mean one like the difference between Colorado and California, where it takes 18-20 hours of driving to get to one another.
Or, you could just move here. We have some lovely loft condos in Downtown Denver that I'm sure would be in your price range! :)
Jules
Ron,
Glad to be of assistance. ;o)
Jane... wanna start an all girl Big Band group? LOL
TGoV... half a world, huh. Dang. I guess moving across town won't fix it, huh? I can hear her now, "I NEVER see you anymore..." Oy!
Jules... I'm a coastal gal and California's too liberal for me! LOL I think I'd like to VISIT Colorado... but I need the "tides that bind" I was so incredibly ocean sick when we lived in Texas that I even resorted to visiting the Gulf of Mexico thinking it would suffice. Alas, it did not.
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