The Little Voice Inside My Head...

said: Lauren, just find a place of inner peace and wait for him to move on.

I never talk to myself in the third person. Who's in there?????

Alpha Dog

Do you know how ridiculous it is to watch a grown man try to exert his dominance over a terrier? This was the scene at my house last night: man eating crackers and cheese (dog's favorite 'people food'), dog sitting a nose-length away waiting for a crumb to be dropped, man yelling at dog, dog ignoring man, woman calling dog, dog ignoring woman, man screaming at dog, dog vaguely moved, man stands up, dog growls... Mexican Stand-off in the living room.

Woman covers her eyes and shakes her head, man heads off to bed in a tiff, woman and dog sleep in guest room.

Welcome to my world.

Not so fast...

Word to the wise: don't trust a fine needle aspiration biopsy. You'll recall that the son of one of my business partners had one to rule out lymphoma. Well, due to their inability to explain the fact that he had five enlarged lymph nodes, they decided to excise them. The diagnosis: lymphoma. We're still waiting for details -- NHL, or Hodgkin's -- full body scan and consult with oncology are occurring today. Mom and dad are on their way to be by his side.

Cancer sucks!

The End of an Era

Driving down the highway this week, I saw the unthinkable taking place right before my eyes. The center of my childhood social life was being razed. The twisted metal that once was the College Park Skating Rink reminded me of a war zone -- far from the fond memories that were typically brought to mind each time I passed it. The old structure had long since become a bingo hall, but I couldn't help but smile to myself at all of the firsts that occurred there: my first 'couples skate', which meant holding hands, my first kiss, my first broken bone and my first broken heart, as Bill 'couples skated' with Sarah instead of me as Hall & Oates crooned Sara Smile in the darkened rink. I spent every Friday night of my youth in that place -- laughing, playing and learning about life and love, about friendship and rejection. It's been a constant reminder of the simplicity of life -- of happy times -- and I am sad to see it go.

Bugsy

Oh, dear Lord, please don't let me be that woman... the one who ends up alone at 80 with no family and an ancient, failing puppy dog as my only companion. I met such a person today, whose only concern was that his precious Bugsy be taken care of if he died. It was a first for me -- someone wanting to buy life insurance to take care of a beloved pet. Unfortunately, I think Bugsy's owner will outlive him by far. Poor, poor pup... blind, deaf and feeble... but he is everything to this man, who refers to him as his son. I refer to Caleb the same way.

Long live Bugsy!

Don't Drink the Coffee

I had quite an interesting experience today. I spent the better part of two hours at the home of the most eccentric woman alive, helping her take care of some issues with her existing policies. She served me coffee and breakfast cookies and told me story after story after story about how people had taken advantage of her over the years - including the people who duped her into selling her old house and buying the one in which she currently lives. She told me that the house was making her crazy and she told me what she'd like to DO to the people who "made" her buy it.

Then, as we neared the end of our encounter, she misplaced a piece of paper on which she had taken notes. She came so completely unglued that I started to get nervous -- extremely nervous. I finally got in front of her and, in a calm voice, said, "Penny, calm down" (not her real name, by the way). She snapped back to reality and, together, we located the piece of paper. If I had to diagnose her based on my Cracker Jack Box medical degree, I would say that she is likely a paranoid schizophrenic.

As I drove away, I had this momentary bout of panic... I started to feel faint... my lips went all tingly and I wondered: what was IN that coffee, anyway?

Bone Tired

I'm just sapped... worn out... exhausted. Sleep doesn't seem to help -- at least not getting two hours at a time interrupted by Godzilla stomping down the hall to the bathroom. What does he have on the bottom of those bedroom slippers anyway? And who, in God's name, gets up at 4:15 in the morning when they don't have to be at work til 8:30? Seriously, WHO?

I just want to run away to a desserted island and lounge on the beach for a month -- uninterrupted, save for the chiseled boy toy who delivers exotic drinks to me every hour on the hour... and hand feeds me grapes and mangos... yeah... that's the ticket.

Knee-High in Boxes

I hate disorder. I loathe upheaval. I abhor interruption to my routine. That's where I am right now though, knee-high in boxes with my entire life turned upside down.

The first night with Ali back in the house ended much like our nights used to end before he moved out: me in the guest bedroom and him raising the roof with ear-drum-splitting snoring in the master bedroom... and one very confused puppy trotting back and forth between the two.

Methinks it bodeth not well.

How is this blog like a Carpenter's song?

Talkin' to myself and feelin' old
Sometimes I'd like to quit
Nothing ever seems to fit
Hangin' around
Nothing to do but frown
Rainy Days and Mondays always get me down.

What I've got they used to call the blues
Nothin' is really wrong
Feelin' like I don't belong
Walkin' around
Some kind of lonely clown
Rainy Days and Mondays always get me down.

Funny but it seems I always wind up here with you
Nice to know somebody loves me
Funny but it seems that it's the only thing to do
Run and find the one who loves me.

What I feel has come and gone before
No need to talk it out
We know what it's all about
Hangin' around
Nothing to do but frown
Rainy Days and Mondays always get me down.

Words and Music by Paul Williams and Roger Nichols (c) 1971

Since no one is posting any replies, I can only assume that I'm talking to myself... and it IS a rainy day... and I am feelin' down... I'm just sayin'...

Unreasonable?

I am unreasonable, and lazy. No, really... I am! At least according to one of my agents. I have asked that agents not schedule appointments on Monday so that I can deal with all of the administrative issues relative to doing business (running quotes, preparing for meetings, following up on underwriting, etc). I have also asked that they not schedule appointments after 5 pm on Friday so that I can have dinner with my family ONE night a week. Every other night, I work. I take appointments from 10 am to 7 pm Tuesday through Thursday, Friday afternoons from 2 to 5 and Saturdays from 10 am to 4 pm. How is THAT unreasonable?

GRRR.

Update on my agent/friend and her son: her melanoma is Stage 1 - superficial. She will have the remainder of the lesion and surrounding fatty tissue removed on the 19th. No additional treatment will be required. Her son's needle biopsy came back benign. They will likely excise the nodes just to be sure there's nothing occult going on in there. Whew. Good news all around.

Perspective

Why is it that when you're feeling sorriest for yourself the Universe has a way of putting things into perspective.

As you all know, I've been in a bit of a funk lately -- and my meeting in Northern Virginia this past week didn't help matters any. The company is changing faster than we can assimilate the changes and, as everyone knows, _ _ it runs down hill! So, feeling completely crapped upon, I went to meet with one of my favorite partners -- a woman in her 50's with two grown children who are both planning to get married in the next year and a half.

Several weeks ago she had mentioned that her husband told her she really needed to go to the doctor to have this large mole removed from her back. She did... and the results were not good: melanoma. While we don't yet know the extent of the diagnosis (she meets with the surgeon tomorrow), cancer of any kind is never welcome news. While that's bad enough, in the midst of her wait for that all-important surgeon's appointment, her 28 year old son called to tell them that he thinks he has lymphoma (he's a doctor) and, although he's awaiting his biopsy results feels almost certain that's what it is.

So, my measly little issues with contractors, disagreeable partners (both business and personal) and the latest company strategy for cost-shifting pale in comparison to what my friend and her family are going through. I have so much to be thankful for... so I am officially ending the whine-o-rama. Everyone, go hug your kids, parents, spouses and siblings and be thankful that they're with you today and that everyone's okay.