Are We Having Fun Yet?

Last night my husband and I ended up in one of our typical arguments about sailboats and happiness. He made a statement that got me to thinking. He said, quite simply, "I want to have FUN again." That seems a fairly simple wish and as I began to reflect on the past six years – the time that we have been together – I came to a shockingly pathetic realization: I can count on ONE HAND the times in our relationship that I’ve had fun. We’ve had pleasant times and ordinary times and, of course, challenging times, sad times, awful times … but fun… fun is not something that seems to be in abundant supply in our lives. Oh, we’ve set out with good intentions of having fun – but something always seems to ruin it – an inconsiderate driver (which sends DH over the edge), a traffic jam, a technical malfunction, or some extraneous event or another.

In recounting the fun times, I had to think quite hard – I even had to enlist the assistance of the Captain – Captain Morgan that is. After several hours and several shots, I was able to compile the following list:

• Cooking dinner for my parents and grandmother at our condo when we first moved in together.
• Apartment hunting in Austin.
• A special night out at the 219 in Austin – there was live, acoustic music
• Our first wedding anniversary trip to the British Virgin Islands – we chartered a sailboat
• Our trip to the Philadelphia Museum of Art

I think there may have been a couple of more occasions where fun was on the menu – but honestly, I can’t recall them. Six years… and less than one fun event per year… in fact, four out of the five occurred in the first two years we were together.

He, I think, blames me for this lack of fun in our lives… he seems to blame me for the fact that he doesn’t yet have his own sailboat. I, on the other hand, feel that if he truly wanted one he would move heaven and earth to GET one. I’m very pragmatic that way. You see, he contributes about 60% of his income to our combined household budget. The other 40% is his to do with as he sees fit. Over the course of 6 years, had he been fiscally responsible, he could have easily saved enough to buy a boat – instead he has frittered that money away and gone deeper and deeper into debt to boot. I just don’t see how that is my fault.

At any rate – I really hadn’t intended this to be a rehashing of our marital woes – merely an introspective view into happiness. My question is, why on earth should two people who are obviously miserable together remain so? DH would assert that it’s commitment – obligation – I don’t think I’m willing to sacrifice my future happiness for either of those notions.