Mushrooms, Moles & Mean People

My back yard is filled with these disgusting mushrooms. They’re not the cute little button kind… no, these resemble some sort of alien life form. They’re sprouting up everywhere there’s shade in my yard and they’re taking over! Today I went on a mushroom eradication mission – search and destroy. I was armed with a little digger thingy and a clear yard bag. It seemed that everywhere I looked, these nasties were sprouting… clumped together as if they were conspiring against me... (Note to self: beware the coup) I chopped, I hacked, and I exclaimed, "eeewwwww" while picking up the slimy little bastards.

The job was made all the more difficult by the uneven terrain. No, I don’t live in the mountains, or even on a hill… I live just 10 miles from the ocean… but there’s yet another freak of nature that’s determined to try my patience. MOLES. I tripped over a bajillion molehills, turned my ankles, and called those little varmints everything but moles.

I ask you, have you ever seen a mole? Well, here, look. They’re FREAKY! Just FREAKY, I tell you! Not to mention the fact that they’ve turned my back yard into a frickin’ minefield!

But just as I was bemoaning my lot in life, it hit me that there is a lesson to be learned from these earthly blights. What, you might ask? Well, it occurs to me that mean people are a lot like moles and mushrooms. Think about it:

• They congregate in dark places and shrivel up and die when exposed to light (note shameless allegorical use of light and darkness)
• They’re slimy little bastards
• They love to trip people up
• They try one’s patience
• They’re ugly
• They’re downright FREAKY and, last but not least…
• I HATE THEM!

So there, mean people. Take THAT!