Tell Him

Who do you tell? Who is the one person that you instantly pick up the phone and call when something exciting or upsetting or maddening happens? Who is the one person you know that will always try to make it better or fix it or just listen?

For me, it used to be my grandmother and for a long time after she passed, I would catch myself, hand poised on the telephone, thinking "let me tell Nannie about..." But in the years since her passing, that person has become my husband. Yes, I know you all must think he's a green monster with horns and and pointy tail -- but he's been my confidant -- my go-to guy -- even though he didn't always understand or do the best job of listening -- even though he tried to fix the unfixable, in typical male fashion.

Now that we're no longer a couple, I find myself floundering -- at a loss for what to do with my good news, bad news, any kind of news at all. So, my subconscious has devised a plan... I tell him in my dreams. In my dreams, he listens, understands, consoles and comforts. In my dreams he knows just what to say. In my dreams, he doesn't try to fix the unfixable -- just gathers me in his arms and strokes my hair... letting my tears fall on his chest. In the morning I wake up and go about my day... collecting my stories, my joys, my fears... so that I can tell him in my dreams.