Dear Little One,
It's Christmas Eve and, as usual, you are on my mind.
This would be your third Christmas and I wonder what we would be doing today.
I wonder if I would be wrapping cars and trucks and building blocks
Or if it would be dolls, a fairy princess and her castle
I wonder if you would have your father's beautiful curly black hair or my wispy blonde locks
Cat-like green eyes or deep brown
I wonder what it would be like to hear you call my name
I wonder... and my heart breaks once again.
Even though I never met you... never even heard your heartbeat I adored you
You were conceived in love and would have shared your great grandmother's birthday
You were so wanted and even now, after three years, I think of you and wonder "what if?"
Christmas rings hollow because you're not here and I stand with empty arms, longing for the baby I will never have.
5 comments:
We've both shared a tough road, and I still ask myself the same question..."what if?" The strength I find is in knowing that I have found other ways to fulfill my life, and that I met wonderful people like you because of the losses -- not just of babies but of other loved ones as well.
Surely it's not a replacement, but a search for finding meaning and happiness in what is, not just in wondering what could have been. I work hard towards that, and I know you do too.
Lighting a candle for your lost ones.
Big hugs to you, my friend.
Jules
Sorry, Lauren. Hope you find peace.
Lauren,
You're in my thoughts and prayers.
While the roads we travelled are similar, yet different, I totally understand your feelings.
(((HUGS)))
Nancy (palp)
I can relate. I'm trying to find words... typing, deleting and typing again. My words just arent enough. My thoughts are with you.
Thanks, everyone. For some reason, Christmas was just hard this year. I'm fine now.
I appreciate the love and support.
Post a Comment