Totally Non-PC Song Title Game

This was posted on a BB I frequent. I thought it would be fun to have everyone add their own versions. These are Christmas songs for the Psychologically Challenged (I know, it's not PC and I don't want any lectures about the seriousness of mental illness -- I have my own, thank you. This is JUST FOR FUN.) The original titles/lyrics are first, followed by mine in italics.

Schizophrenia

Do You Hear What I hear?
Angels I have heard on high!

Multiple Personality Disorder

We Three Kings Disoriented Are
I'm Dasher, now Dancer, now Prancer, now Vixen...

Amnesia

I don't know if I'll be Home for Christmas
On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me -- Gertrude, what was that thing called again?

Narcissistic

Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me.
Joy to the World, that's what I am!

Manic

Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and...

We need a little Christmas right this very minute!


Paranoid

Santa Claus is coming to Get Me
Come, they told me... uh-uh, uh-uh-uh!

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells...
One more time, that's four (one, two three, four) calling birds, three (one, two, three) french hens, two (one, two) turtle doves...

Agoraphobia

I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day But Wouldn't Leave My House
I'm Not Dashing Through the Snow in a One Horse Open Sleigh


Senile Dementia

Walking in a Winter Wonderland Miles from My house in My Slippers and Robe
I wonder as I wander out under the sky...

Oppositional Defiant Disorder
I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus So I Burned Down the House
I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas, or I'm taking hostages!

Social Anxiety Disorder

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas while I Sit Here and Hyperventilate
Haul Out the Holly, Put up the tree before my Prozac wears off!