Back to the Dark Ages

Good morrow, dear bloggers. Verily I say unto thee that my worst fears have been realized... yea, I have been returned hence to the Dark Ages -- and the plague -- nay, the CURSE -- of dial-up.

It seems that a certain cable company (which shall remain nameless) with whom I have had service at every residence I have ever occupied has suddenly determined that I owe them money from an account I held briefly in 1988. Yes, you read that correctly - nineteen eighty-eight! Although they are completely unable to confirm what the charges are for, they insist that I pay all $257 of it before they will give me service. Now, call me crazy, but I'll be damned if I'm going to stroke a check to a company for $257 without some sort of proof that this is a legitimate debt. Not to mention the fact that the statute of limitations on debt collection in my state is 5 years. So, I requested that they have a supervisor call me in order to rectify the situation. It's been four days and, as of this moment, my phone has not rung. They DID however, disconnect the service from my home -- which they had assured me would not happen.

This turn of events caused me to get my panties in a wad and I decided to boycott this service provider! Surely in this day and age, there would be other providers out there who could provide the same services... especially since monopolies are prohibited by law. I couldn't have BEEN more wrong. Of course, it doesn't help that I live in an old neighborhood -- established in the mid-sixties -- so we're not exactly wired with state-of-the-art cables and wires.

While I was easily able to sign up for satellite television (with no deposit or down-payment required because of my EXCELLENT CREDIT - THANK YOU VERY MUCH), my Internet service was another issue entirely. There is ONLY ONE SINGLE INTERNET PROVIDER who provides cable modem access in this entire area. In addition, there are NO DSL providers who service my area either. So, I ended up having to go back to dial-up with my telephone provider. I selected them because they have an "accelerator" program. What they DON'T tell you until you're finished with the sign-up is that all the accelerator does is reduce the quality of your graphics!

I sincerely hope that my righteous indignation is not overcome by the need for speed. This dial-up thing is tortuously s-l-o-w. All I can do is pray to the god of the Internet (that's Gore, right?) that some day soon the dastardly evildoers who've foisted this monopoly upon me and my fellow man will be forced out of business by a competitor!